Topic: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

Ive got Draco to thank for this so here is is Chuck Norris vs Mr.T (this will also serve as the Chuck Norris/Mr.T joke area) :)

why hold a topic thats not to do with star wars/boba fett??

Green, we have had plaenty of non-Star Wars topics, like Jason Bourne verses John McClane.

When Mr. T falls in the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Mr. T.

:Taken straight from www.chucknorrisfacts.com, these are hand-picked by the man himself:

1. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
2. There is no theory of evolution. Only creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
3. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
4. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
5. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Mr. T pajamas.

Mr. T can shhot down an enemy plane by pointing at it and saying "Bang."

Mr. T was once involved in a four way collision. Mr. T was walking at the time.

When Mr. T invented the alphabet, he placed m, r, and t in different places so people can read and write without frear.

45,985. That's the number of people Mr. T pitied in the time it took you to read this sentance.

lol, thats funny draco......bang!!    :)   :)

Everybody knows that Mr.T would win ageist Chuck but Rocky...........

Amen. It actually took four and a half months of working with special effects to make it look like Rocky won.

Yeah but I'm torn between Mr.T and Rocky.Oh.........56% of me thinks that Rocky is better, than Mr.T. (This is sung to the tune of 56% Of diet cola drinkers...........)

Draco, i said well done those were very funny!   :)

I also said that  what I said before you.

so, i'm saying it aswell

Some times post get ignored take it like a man.

so, anyway, brilliant jokes draco. very well done!   :)

Agreed

i liked the one where mr t shoots down a plane and go's bang!   lol, classic    :)

Somtimes i just despair.

So do I

I thank both of you.

You are welcome!

1 you may stay up all night waiting for santa, but santa satys up waiting for Chuck Norris
2 the ytried to put Chuck Norris on Mt. Rushmore but the granite wasnt rough enough for his beard
3 when Chuck Norris was born he had a full beard and when the doctor tried to spank him he got round house kicked
4 By the time Chuhck Norris was two roundhouse kicks went up 700%

anyone got any chuck norris vs (star wars character) ideas?

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck

       AND a Star Wars themed joke

Chuck Norris poops out lightsabers!

Chuck Norris isnt one with the force, the force is one with Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris dosnt get sick, sick gets Chuck Norris

anyone got any chuck norris vs (star wars character) ideas?

Chuck could duel with ANY jedi knight because his beard deflects lightsabers ...

some fencers use one prong, others two, Chuck Norris uses his finger, and the score box better know what to do

(if you dont get that, i dont blame you, it has to do with the sport of fencing)

1. Light-sabers bounce off of Mr. T's gold.
2. If you drop toast within a five mile radius of Mr. T, it will always land butter side up.
3. Mr. T killed the show "Law and Order" for using the names of his left and right fists.
4. When Mr. T does push-ups, he does not push himself up, he pushes the Earth down.
5. Mr. T invented pity because even fools deserve a daily dose of vitamin T.
6. The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Mr. T was on the other side, in which case it is usually blood red.
7. Mr. T has the heart of a small child. He keeps it in a box next to his bed.
8. Mr. T doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

23. That’s the number of foo's Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T is not black. It’s just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

http://www.tv.com/i-pity-the-fool/show/58780/summary.html

(CHANTING)Mr.T

Chuck Norris doesn't go to red lobster for lobster, he dives into the ocean, brings some up to the surface, glares at them, and the shells run away

Mr. T once went into Burger King and ordered a Big Mac. He got one.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
      There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
      Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
      The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
      There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
      Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
      The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
      Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
      Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
      Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

Ha Good one draco! Where do you get all this info!

Most are from memory.

Mr. T can watch 60 Minutes in 22 minutes.
When Mr. T plays a video-game, it is automaticlly in God-mode.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An Ice-Age followed.
Mr. T once went into McDonalds. What followed was the most violent clown-beating in history.
When Mr. T crosses his arms, the U.S. terror level is raised to gold.
Mr. T's blood type is TNT.
Getting murdered by Mr. T counts as a natural cause of death.
Mr. T once won a tennis match against a wall. A freakin' wall!
Mr. T can watch every episode of the Simpsons in two hours.
Mr. T scared the black out of Micheal Jackson.

That last one was funny!

Yeah. I really like number four, but that is because I hate clowns.

Mr. T's tears cure cancer. Too bad Mr. T never cries.

Not even when his mom died?

Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

Once a cobra bit Mr. T's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Mr. T sleeps with a night-light. Not because Mr. T is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Mr. T.

Ghosts are caused by Mr. T killing people faster than Death can process them.

Mr. T was once on the Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. After he spun it, the next two seasons consisted of everyone waiting for the wheel the stop.

Mr. T can kill two stones with one bird.

Mr. T is the only person who can kick you in the back of the face.

If at first you don't sucseed, you are clearly not Mr. T.

If it looks like chicken, tastses like chicken, and smells like chicken, and Mr. T says it's beef, thaen it's freaking beef.

Mr. T can drown a fish.

Mr. T can build a snow man out of rain.

Brett Farve can throw a football over 50 feet. Mr. T can throw Brett Farve even further.

Mr. T once created a rock so heavy even he himself could not lift it. He lifted it anyways.

Mr. T is the last digit of pi, for Mr. T is the end of all things.

Mr. T doesn't play hide-and-go-seek. He plays hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you.

Once earth was invaded by aliens, it lasted less then a second, upon landing the aliens saw the opening credits of Walker texas ranger and turned around to go home.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

awesome jokes draco

Mr. T can become invisible. That means that if you go outside, don't see Mr. T, you are probably about to die.

Adeptus, almost all of those were already used. You have some great jokes aswell.

In the average room, there are 956,105,732 objects that Mr. T can kill you with, including the room itself.

When Mr. T makes coffee, he grinds the beans with his teeth, and boild the water with his rage.

Mr. T was born with the right to party, unlike the rest of us fools who have to fight for it.

Mr. T once fed Hannible Lectar to Hannible Lectar.

The earliest known edition of Websters dictionary listed suicide as "The act of insulting Mr. T."

Within a 500 mile radius of Mr. T, all Rubix Cubes automaticlly solve themselves.

If you flip a double-headed quater, and Mr. T calls tails, it comes out tails.

Mr. T once scored a 620 game while bowling. He was using a golf ball at the time.

Mr. T killed Clint Eastwood's name in A Fistful of Dollars.

There are actually only Three Horseman of the Apocolypse. Mr. T walks.

Mr. T can make a comatose run for his life.

SOME OF THOSE ARE DRACOS!

i got em all from a website also, i deleted some of them, but i got bored and posted it

These were already used. :)

Yes sire they sure were.=D

ok, sorry about that. :(

No problem :)

man, i need to get within 500 miles of Mr.T

Chuck Norris's teeth are like mini blenders, this allows him to chew without moving his jaw
Chuck Norris eats granite and titanium for breakfast......without milk

Mr. T once blew over a brick wall 70 feet away. How? He sneezed.

ROFL :D :D :D :D :D :D  this is brilliant, can't stop laughing, i think Mr T wins........ just

Here are are some of my favorites:

Mr. T can do push-ups with both arms behind his back.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A bird in Mr. T's hand is considered a deadly weapon in more than 69 states.

Oxygen requires Mr. T to live.

Mr. T can speak in Wingdings.

Mr. T refers to himself in the first person.

Jeeves askes Mr. T.

Most hand sanitizers kill 99.9% of germs. Mr. T kills 110% of whatever he wants.