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“Jim Henson's Empire Babies”

Featuring Darth Vader and Boba Fett, as if puppet characters created by Jim Henson. Contains profanity.

  • Story by Unknown
  • Estimated reading time: 2 minutes (401 words)
  • Added September 15, 2001
  • Updated February 11, 2017

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One of my favorite scenes from The Empire Strikes Back is the bounty hunter lineup scene, in which Vader, while explaining how he wants the Millennium Falcon found, points at Boba Fett and says, "No disintegrations."



I always wondered exactly why Vader pointed at Boba when he said this. Was he simply aware of some reputation Fett had as being a "disintegrator"? Seems to me that if Fett was such a successful bounty hunter, one of the things he'd have to do is make sure NOT to disintegrate when instructed not to.



What I like to think -- and Lucas will prove or
disprove this theory in time -- is that Vader
knew Fett personally, perhaps from some past experience
in which he had recklessly disintegrated
something or someone. Maybe they even used to associate
with each other earlier in their lives.



JIM HENSON'S EMPIRE BABIES

(Fade in. VADER and FETT are sitting in their nursery.
VADER is pretending to strangle a
"Tickle-Me Wampa" doll and FETT is blowing up Legos
with his "My First Carbine." Enter NANNY, visible only
from the knees down.)

NANNY: Hey kids! Guess what?

VADER: Yes, Nanny?

NANNY: We've got ourselves a NEW FRIEND! Say hello to
Chester!

(NANNY tugs on a leash. Enter CHESTER, a two-month-old
Bantha.)

CHESTER: Nnnnnnnggghhhffff!!

NANNY: Chester's going to be your NEW PLAYMATE! Isn't
that WONDERful?

FETT: (eyeing CHESTER suspiciously) Ehhh . . . no!

NANNY: Oh, now Boba! Be nice to your new friend!

FETT: Ehhh . . .

(Exit NANNY. FETT crawls over to VADER, who is sitting
with his back to FETT, and taps on his helmet.)

VADER: What?!

FETT: This Bantha's invading our space, Darth. I say we
disintegrate him.

VADER: Hmm . . . well, come to think of it, he DOES
stink.

CHESTER: Nnnngghhfffff . . .

(FETT sets his carbine for "Disintegrate" and aims it.)

VADER: Wait! --

(FETT fires, causing the Bantha to start
disintegrating.)

CHESTER: (loudly)
Nnnnggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!.........*blip*

NANNY: (from outside) What in the name of!? . . .

VADER: Uh-oh.

FETT: Shit!

VADER: Boba's iiiin troooouble, Boba's iiiin troooouble
. . .

FETT: Shutup!

(NANNY bursts in, sniffing the acrid scent of
disintegrated Bantha.)

NANNY: Which one of you disintegrated Chester?!

FETT: (pointing to VADER) Him!

VADER: (pointing to FETT) Nuh-uh! Him!

NANNY: Darth! You should be ashamed of yourself! Trying
to get Boba in trouble like that.

FETT: Yeah, Darth, you should be ashamed of yourself.

VADER: Quiet, you!

NANNY: Come on, you naughty little Dark Lord. (grabs
him by the helmet and drags him out of the
nursery)

VADER: I'll get you for this, Feeeeeett!!!.........