Jim Henson's Empire Babies

Featuring Darth Vader and Boba Fett, as if puppet characters created by Jim Henson. Contains profanity.

Written by Unknown • Published Updated • Estimated reading time: 2 minutes (436 words) • Resize Font

One of my favorite scenes from The Empire Strikes Back is the bounty hunter lineup scene, in which Vader, while explaining how he wants the Millennium Falcon found, points at Boba Fett and says, "No disintegrations."

I always wondered exactly why Vader pointed at Boba when he said this. Was he simply aware of some reputation Fett had as being a "disintegrator"? Seems to me that if Fett was such a successful bounty hunter, one of the things he'd have to do is make sure NOT to disintegrate when instructed not to.

What I like to think -- and Lucas will prove or disprove this theory in time -- is that Vader knew Fett personally, perhaps from some past experience in which he had recklessly disintegrated something or someone. Maybe they even used to associate with each other earlier in their lives.


(Fade in. VADER and FETT are sitting in their nursery. VADER is pretending to strangle a "Tickle-Me Wampa" doll and FETT is blowing up Legos with his "My First Carbine." Enter NANNY, visible only from the knees down.)

NANNY: Hey kids! Guess what?

VADER: Yes, Nanny?

NANNY: We've got ourselves a NEW FRIEND! Say hello to Chester!

(NANNY tugs on a leash. Enter CHESTER, a two-month-old Bantha.)

CHESTER: Nnnnnnnggghhhffff!!

NANNY: Chester's going to be your NEW PLAYMATE! Isn't that WONDERful?

FETT: (eyeing CHESTER suspiciously) Ehhh . . . no!

NANNY: Oh, now Boba! Be nice to your new friend!

FETT: Ehhh . . .

(Exit NANNY. FETT crawls over to VADER, who is sitting with his back to FETT, and taps on his helmet.)

VADER: What?!

FETT: This Bantha's invading our space, Darth. I say we disintegrate him.

VADER: Hmm . . . well, come to think of it, he DOES stink.

CHESTER: Nnnngghhfffff . . .

(FETT sets his carbine for "Disintegrate" and aims it.)

VADER: Wait! --

(FETT fires, causing the Bantha to start disintegrating.)

CHESTER: (loudly) Nnnnggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!.........*blip*

NANNY: (from outside) What in the name of!? . . .

VADER: Uh-oh.

FETT: Shit!

VADER: Boba's iiiin troooouble, Boba's iiiin troooouble . . .

FETT: Shutup!

(NANNY bursts in, sniffing the acrid scent of disintegrated Bantha.)

NANNY: Which one of you disintegrated Chester?!

FETT: (pointing to VADER) Him!

VADER: (pointing to FETT) Nuh-uh! Him!

NANNY: Darth! You should be ashamed of yourself! Trying to get Boba in trouble like that.

FETT: Yeah, Darth, you should be ashamed of yourself.

VADER: Quiet, you!

NANNY: Come on, you naughty little Dark Lord. (grabs him by the helmet and drags him out of the nursery)

VADER: I'll get you for this, Feeeeeett!!!.........

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