Topic: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! These are great!!!

Thanks

Mr.T once ate an entire seven layer birthday cake before his friends told him there was a stripper in it.

Mr.T once swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. He almost blinked as a result.

Originally James Cameron wanted Mr.T to play the Terminator. But since it would have made the movie a documentary, he opted for Arnold instead.

Mr.T played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver by himself. And won.

When Dr.Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Mr.T.When Mr.T gets mad, its best to not be in the same hemisphere

Mr.T went skydiving once without a parachute. He vowed never to do it again, saying one Grand Canyon was enough.

Godzilla was inspired by Mr.T's first trip to Tokyo

There are no such things as tornadoes.Mr.T just hates trailer parks

When Mr.T was born he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That day.

THose are good  oH sHIT mY caP lOcK Is ActIiNG Up aGAIN!

Thanks
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Mr.T and made the mistake of forgetting to pay him back.

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish,he'll eat for a lifetime. Teach Mr.T to fish and marine biology ceases to exist.

There have been a few beings who could lift (Marvel) Thor's hammer,Mjolnir. Mr.T is the only person who beat his @$$ with it.

(and now for a Star Wars joke)
Jabba the Hutt used to be a tall, beautiful Twilek female named Eva, until she talked too much on a date Mr.T was so gracious to take her out on.After piting her to the point where she melted into the slug beast form, Mr.T renamed her "Jabba" to remind her no to jibba-jabba so much.

World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted half that  time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi and half the audience in attendance. He allowed the other half to keep living, so there would be witnesses to tell the story.

Complaining of back pain, Atlas once asked Mr. T to hold up the world for him. Mr. T agreed, on the condition that in exchange Atlas would wear Mr. T's golden necklaces. After five minutes of excruciating pain, Atlas asked for the world back.

Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Mr. T has killed Mr. A through Mr. S; U through Z are slaves in his gold mine.

Mr. T has four stomachs like a cow. Still, he can't stomach no fool.

You can run, but you can't hide. Because Mr. T is already there.

you sure that's a good thing to say?

(sterotypical pirate accent) me thinks your typing skillz are on break Karson, judging from the somewhat random pressing of the capslock key yarharg.

No it was not that the cap lock on my key board acts up sometimes.

well, its a bad actor

Mr. T pitties the fool who makes jokes this bad...

....i reject your reality, and substitute my own.

haray!!!!! im pittied!!!!

If Mr.T pities you, you'll be lucky if you can walk for the rest of your life.

the best way to die is being killed by boba fett, so I dont mind

dude, if you are pittied, its almost like being roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris: your bodie dies so fast you dont even know that your dead for...like..a week.

so then I got like a week to feel like Im still alive?

Well thats plenty of time! all I have to do is say good bey to a few peeps, make my will.....

well obviously mr. T didnt pitty you or else you couldent type, Mr.T didnt feel he needed t opitty you because he has greater concerns

I still FEEL like im alive so nothing will seem differnet, but in a week....BAM!!! I hit the floor deader than a door nail

The chances of surviving one Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick are: none

thats what im saying, he kills you so fast, you dont know your dead, till you see your body, Mr.T pittying you, you dont know for a week, unless you see your body, Chuck, you dont know it untill you see your body, it could me a week, a year, a decade, you just dont know.

Mr.T doesn't pop collars; He pops collar bones.

Mr.T is the sole remainder of the universe previous to our own. In fact, he was the end of the universe previous to our own. He will probably be the end of this universe, as well.

but you can't see your body if you're dead, unless if you become a ghost.

yeah, he kills you so fast that its like he ripped your spirit out, your body falls, but you dont know it

but eventually you will, cuz you'll just cease to be.

but only if he gets angry with you agian, and roundhouse kicks your ghost.

and then they both die cuz they're really old!

Chucky Norris is 67 and Dr. T is 55!

that's old!

so, they die.

That's not that old. Besides, Mr. T is immortal.

Mr.T is alsome man. I think they give him his own show. Me just befor "pity the fool" come out.

ummm...they did.

it's called "The A-Team".

And then the cartoon "Mister T."

uggh... :P

Greatest. Show. Ever.

you couldn't say that with a straight face and look me in the eyes if you tried!!!!!!!!!!

"Mister T the cartoon is the greatest show ever!"

riiiiiiiiight...

Actually, I could, for two reasons. I just about always have a straight face, and it IS the greatest show ever.

how is that the greatest show ever?

no Boba Fett...
no The Flash...
no Spock...
no Captain Jack Sparrow...
No One cares!

It is about Mr. T, ergo, it is the greatest show ever.

if Spock heard that logic come out of anything, he would literally explode. wow. :P

this is my hundredth post, everyone! yay!

Then Spock does not know logic.

Congradulations!

Spock is a (half-) Vulcan! he is logic!

that's so weird! my 51st post got me my 3rd star.

my 101st post got me my 4th!

whattheheck?

And Mr. T is the end. Of everything.

but Boba Fett is the last thing you'll ever see.

Because Mr. T is too fast to see.

psssh...The Flash is the fastest thing ever!

he can go to the speed of light!

Mr. T would be standing still compared to him!

literally!

Mr. T can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. The Flash can't do that.

Mr.T does not discriminate. He will kill anyone.

exactly!

Mr. T is a killer!

actually, he's a Christian, now.

he only wears the gold stuff for commercials and whatnot.

Even though he only had about $200 to his name, Mr. T gave his gold chains (worth about $300,000) to his family, so they can have money.

Off-Topic: Ph34r, what is ur avatar? it seems familiar, but i cant put my thumb on it...

it's that one Watchmen character.

Rorshach?

Rorshach? that's a test using those ink pictures and u tell the person what u see...

It's also the name of a character form the graphic novel entitled Watchmen. It's really good and I highly reccomend it. It was written by Ala Moore, the same guy who wrote V for Vendetta, natch.