Re: Bf/Gf

There are loads of geeks waiting

calvinanglin@gmail.com | Dei voluntas fiat
I seek to knowledge to share it.

Re: Bf/Gf

cloneapart wrote:

Hey all, haven't been here a while but amazingly no bf at the moment.  I think I just need to find one to put up with all my star wars obsession tongue

Hey there CA, how are you doing? Been a while. (for me too, I guess... tongue)

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

Re: Bf/Gf

Terra wrote:
cloneapart wrote:

Hey all, haven't been here a while but amazingly no bf at the moment.  I think I just need to find one to put up with all my star wars obsession tongue

Hey there CA, how are you doing? Been a while. (for me too, I guess... tongue)

Hey Terra big_smile
wow, it's been way to long.  I'm alright, just graduated high school and moving out into the big bad world tongue  Hope all is well with you.

(Not wanting to spam or anything) Anyone know how to get rid of an annoying ex?  The guy just won't leave me alone...

jet pack & rocket launcher-800 credits, mandolorian armor-5,000 credits, being the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy-priceless. brought to you by JediMaster Card

1,079 (edited by Terra Saturday, June 19, 2010 11:56 pm)

Re: Bf/Gf

cloneapart wrote:

Hey Terra big_smile
wow, it's been way to long.  I'm alright, just graduated high school and moving out into the big bad world tongue  Hope all is well with you.

(Not wanting to spam or anything) Anyone know how to get rid of an annoying ex?  The guy just won't leave me alone...

Glad to read your reply. Glad also that you graduated, that's GREAT! big_smile

All is very well, thanks for asking. I am back to creating videogame stuff and people's praise makes me really happy as artist. In fact it SAVES me, lol. It helps validating the fact that there's people thinking good of my stuff. Art teachers were so harsh and negative all the time, I needed a medicine against that to get some artistic ego back, lol. Art is a love to me, and I'm a gold-star junkie, lol. School had starved me for the little tap on the shoulder, lol.

Annoying ex? lol. Sorry about that. It's hard to kill one's feelings. If you simply become distant it might turn him on even more for a while, lol. People tend to pursue whatever is fleeing them.

The best would be to spend a few months without contact at all, to give him a chance to cool off about you, and you to feel less burdened by having him all over. If after months of "No Contact" he is still all over you, and in love with you, act like a broken record. Tell and repeat him how you really feel, as clearly and honestly as possible.

Don't hang out with him just yet, it might muddle things a little on your end and A LOT on his. It will wake all his false hopes really high. Don't think of being friends again with him before at least a year or two, else he might not be over you and unable to be "just friends".

I don't want to scare you, but I recently found 2 exes of mine which weren't over me after over 10 years! lol. I suppose they simply never really tried to. But you never know, if you keep the contact open with your ex, maybe he will never try to move on either. You don't want to drag him forever, I am sure.

Your ex needs time on his own right now. He's into blind pain. Being dumped leads people to think the worst things of themselves. They feel unattractive and unable to do anything right. He probably thinks it's the opinion you have of him, since you flee him so much, I know you do this to protect yourself and take a distance from someone whom you can't love anymore. But he can't understand that. He is blinded by emotion, and could be stuck with that for quite a while if he is as persistent as you say.

You were not happy, you did the right thing. It's your right to look for what will really make you happy. On the other hand, it's hard for him that you don't love him so much anymore. It makes him feel like he is unadequate in some way and it's hurtful. I'd say, don't contact him, to make sure you don't yo-yo with his feelings and false hopes, and give him time. Months, maybe a year.

I hope it helps. smile
x

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

1,080 (edited by cloneapart Sunday, June 20, 2010 10:23 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

Rather than quote all of that, lets just pretend I did cause it would take a lot of room.

Ok, so first, I think the art and school thing is so cool!  It's funny that you mention the video game stuff because I'll be attending school in august to start my degree in game art and animation!!  Hopefully I can create a Fett game tongue (I'm sure tons of fans would love that)  I really hope things work out for you and your an awesome artist big_smile

Back to the bf issue, unfortunatly I met up with said ex a few days ago because he said he wanted "closure".  I guess I didn't realize he meant that he really wanted to try and get back together...  So I dunno, I probably should have posted before I agreed to meet up with him.  Anyhow, I'm trying to just not talk to him, but I feel so bad because I really hate to hurt boy's feelings.  And you are so right in saying that they feel worthless and horrible cause he is constantly pulling that self pitty thing on me which just makes me feel worse.  I dunno, I wish I could find him someone else because I'm sure there are better girls for him but he has that whole idea in his head that I'm like the only girl on the planet... Whatever happened to that guy saying about plenty of fish in the sea?  Sorry, I'm ranting, but someone needs to knock some sense in to him...

Thanks terra for listening and whoever else can give me some advise!

(BTW is the chat room not working or is it just me? thnx)

jet pack & rocket launcher-800 credits, mandolorian armor-5,000 credits, being the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy-priceless. brought to you by JediMaster Card

Re: Bf/Gf

Me and my previous boyfriend were on and off a lot. Sometimes I wanted to make things work and I didn't want to just throw it away if it might be worth something someday, and sometimes it was him who thought that way. But looking back on it I realize whenever he would break up with me I should have let it go. It would have been better. I wasted so much time on him that I could have spent doing better things. It was when I met the man who is now my husband during the longest off period (it had been almost six months) that I told him enough was enough, I was done with him being wishy washy and careless and if he was really done with me I was really done with him and suddenly he was saying all this nice stuff about how we would be back together for real and he would never do it again and etc but I was done, I didn't want to keep going through all that over and over.

So definitely no contact. That would be best. As I was saying before, there was a week where I didn't have any contact with him and if it had continued I would have gotten better. But he broke down and called me and it just kept our pattern going. Yes, he'll be hurt for a bit but it'll be better in the long run. And in the future he might even be grateful you did that. But I guess that would depend on the person.

And sometimes someone's just crazy and years later they still want to be with you. Every so often my husband will get someone who sends him an IM asking if he's still single or wants to get back together. And he had some persistent exes and he had to make a fake blog where he went slowly insane on it, to scare them away. Not sure if that would work or not in your case though.

Reality doesn't care if you believe in it.
[url]http://www.townparkradio.com[/url] - Video Game Remix Music

1,082 (edited by Terra Sunday, June 20, 2010 10:53 pm)

Re: Bf/Gf

Hey again CA, thanks for being happy for me, and for still esteeming my as artist. I still remember how good you are as well! I am glad for you about the game art and animation!! Maybe at some point we can exchange a few tricks?? big_smile

As for relationship stuff, although you asked for other people's views, I wanna speak again. Sorry if I tend to be long to read, lol. Can't help it, would love to help you, and I've read so many relationship-related books in the last few years, I like to think I learned a thing or two that I could share. wink

Your ex is acting really weird lately isn't he?

Here I agree with Miba about the "avoid contact 100%", but I can't agree with her on the "just crazy" bit, as getting dumped is not as simple as it might appear. If someone gets dumped and never deal with their emotions properly they might very well get stuck with these emotions for life. Doensn't mean they're crazy, just that they've never had the proper tools/knowledge to help themselves. Or never realized how "not moving on" was bad for them.

CA, I don't want to blame you in any way, ok? I just want to inform you of a few things. I've talked to several hundreds of people who recently got dumped and everyone goes through it the same way, so I wanna share what I see in this. Please don't take it the wrong way, ok? It is not what I am trying to do. Thanks.

The way your ex speaks to you is not self-pity, he is really depressed and feeling like a piece of dung at the moment. Getting dumped made him feel like he is vomit. Now he hates himself. It is a normal phase of a breakup. There is nothing you can do about this, it has to pass. It is his to deal with. The only bit where you can help is by Not Contacting him at all, and by doing this persistantly for several months.



As for "wanting closure", I think he does wants that. And he also wants you. He has both feelings inside him and it is unbearable. Right now he is having a constant fight inside. "I want her back" against "I want to break free from loving her since it's over".

CA, go away from him. Stop all contacts completely. As long as you two are in contact, it keeps him in the illusion that there's still the same bond as before. He won't be able to break free from the dead relationship. He is stuck with it, like tied to it by his heart and guts.

The only reason he wants so intensely to get back together, is that he desperately wants to stop his actual pain. And validate the fact that he is not the worst person in the world.

In his head, I think it is clear that it's over, but the message didn't get to his primal self (Freud, anyone?), and this is what keeps him so stuck to you. The only mean to speak to that part of him, is by repetition.

Keep being 100% off and silent. Do not feed him any attention at all, not even bad attention (no anger either). What he needs from you is INDIFFERENCE, if you want him to move on. CA = silence, absence, zero attention. Constance and repetition. You have to have the same response, no matter what he does or says. Even if it is extreme.

If you think the breakup sent him in a depression so deep that he might attempt to his life, call one of his friends or family and let them deal with that. Don't show up, and don't let them tell him it was your idea, else he might be tempted to do it again just to get bits of your attention. Then he might succeed and kill himself. And you would never forgive that to yourself. You need to make sure this doesn't happen, for the sake your own self-love. Breakups can make people that desperate that they might really want to go. But he won't do it if someone who cares about him takes care of him. It only takes one person at the right moment to save him from that. It just must not be you.

Meeting up with him was indeed a bad idea and something you will have to force yourself against from now on and maybe for as long as a year.

Being dumped creates a very hurtful void in a person. That's not your fault, but it still happens. Your ex has to learn to fill that void again. That takes work on oneself, and time alone. That's not your problem. It's his.

As for finding him another girl, he won't really want anyone else as long as he isn't disconnected from you. And if you do things to make him angry, it might have the opposite effect as anger is attention. It might make him pursue you more.



Ok CA, another wall of text, lol. Bear with me. The main idea is: CUT ALL CONTACTS completely for many months and keep to it. It'll do the job.

Take care girl x

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

Re: Bf/Gf

Hey again,
Thanks Miba and thank you Terra smile
I'm really trying to cut all contact.  He texted me this morning and I didn't reply so hopefully he'll get the memo.

Terra, would love to exchange a few tricks once I learn them smile I get my computer soon and hopefully it will have all the software I need so I can begin my classes.  I'm so excited!

jet pack & rocket launcher-800 credits, mandolorian armor-5,000 credits, being the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy-priceless. brought to you by JediMaster Card

Re: Bf/Gf

I think when I chose the word crazy I chose wrongly, and I am sorry.

Reality doesn't care if you believe in it.
[url]http://www.townparkradio.com[/url] - Video Game Remix Music

1,085 (edited by Terra Tuesday, June 22, 2010 3:14 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

cloneapart wrote:

Hey again,
Thanks Miba and thank you Terra smile
I'm really trying to cut all contact.  He texted me this morning and I didn't reply so hopefully he'll get the memo.

Terra, would love to exchange a few tricks once I learn them smile I get my computer soon and hopefully it will have all the software I need so I can begin my classes.  I'm so excited!

Hi again CA, glad you replied again. You are doing the right thing, No-Contact all the way. He won't get the memo before long though, don't be too hopeful. Be prepared to have to ignore him yet for a loooooong time. It's a siege, lol.

Sounds great about the computer, I would be excited too! What kind will you be getting?? A super-performing laptop I bet. I wanna know all it goes for your classes girl, and don't let the teachers tell you crap like mine did me. I know you got potential! big_smile




Miba wrote:

I think when I chose the word crazy I chose wrongly, and I am sorry.

Hey Miba it's ok. You've been in a really good relationship for a while now, you cannot remember all these thick psych questions about breakups. Gotta be interested in this particular part of psychology, or either have therapists as best friends, lol.

I made a psychology degree in college before Graphic Arts, I always liked that too, very much. It tends to be abstract at times but it's very stimulating­ to learn. Plus I recently tied things back with an old friend of mine, and indeed he's a therapist, so once in a while we have looooong conversations about these kinds of things. Theory fights. That's stimulating too, lol.

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

Re: Bf/Gf

It's true about feeling like crap after getting dumped; I know I did after my previous two relationships failed. However, I didn't make any attempts to get back with my ex's. With me, I was too upset to even want anything to do with either of them.

As for my current love life.... I don't want to say much, but, I'm actually falling for another guy right now. But, I still love my current boyfriend a lot. I'm completely torn. =/ *sighs* It's going to take a long time for me to figure this out, because I want to make what (I hope) is the right decision. Because right now, I'm not so sure I made the right one seven years ago. Aww, I'm so confused....

Half Dragon, half human, 100% Fett!

1,087 (edited by Terra Tuesday, June 22, 2010 3:18 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

CeciliaCrimsondragonFett wrote:

It's true about feeling like crap after getting dumped; I know I did after my previous two relationships failed. However, I didn't make any attempts to get back with my ex's. With me, I was too upset to even want anything to do with either of them.

As for my current love life.... I don't want to say much, but, I'm actually falling for another guy right now. But, I still love my current boyfriend a lot. I'm completely torn. =/ *sighs* It's going to take a long time for me to figure this out, because I want to make what (I hope) is the right decision. Because right now, I'm not so sure I made the right one seven years ago. Aww, I'm so confused....

It is lucky that you can let free of your anger early and immediately disconnect from someone who dumps you. That's a great quality. Strive to keep that, it's your emotional shield against getting stuck with bad stuff.

As for your other comment... Like some would say, "Gotta choose, gotta choose, who's your baby" lol.

Last time I loved two guys at once was soooooo long ago... in 1994. How old were you? lol. For me it ended up with a baby too, lol. Too much male attention can swollen your head and make you careless...

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

Re: Bf/Gf

Seven years ago, almost to the date (sometime next month), I was fifteen. For all of this, please keep in mind this is entirely internet based. Basically, I had two crushes, for the sake of simplicity lets call them....Crush C and Crush D (more interisting then A and B lol). Anyways, Crush D came forward and said he had a crush on me and asked if I would like to become his girlfriend. I didn't see any reason to say no, so I agreed. About two weeks later or so, Crush C came forward and said that he had a crush on me! Shocked and confused, I asked for a day or two to think about this, which he granted me. I think long and hard about it and ultimately decide to stay with Crush D, it coming down to the fact that he simply asked first. I explain this to Crush C, who, although dejected, agrees that we can continue to be (best) friends, and also tells me he will always love me.

Moving ahead to last month. C and I remained friends all of this time, basically being eachothers best friends. Now, I had a (noticable) crush on C every once in a while, but I never thought it as much of anything. Just a harmless crush. However, shortly after the semester ended last month, my crush on C suddenly exploded. And pretty much every day more and more we were learning that, in addition to our major common interests that lead us to becoming best friends, we have a lot of smaller, random, common thoughts, ideas, and coincidences (to the point where everytime we find another one [pretty much every day] we joke to "add it to the list"). I began thinking of him a lot more as well.

I don't know if it was the right decision or not, but a little more then three weeks ago I got up the courage to tell him that I, in fact, have a crush on him. C, although thoroughly shocked, admits he still does, in fact, have feelings for me. Both of us agreed to continue to be best friends for the moment, as both of us are in relationships, and don't want to do anything rash.

Yeah, I can't believe I said all that. But that's pretty much the whole story. And why I'm torn. And feel unsure about making the right decision seven years ago.

Half Dragon, half human, 100% Fett!

1,089 (edited by Terra Tuesday, June 22, 2010 4:13 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

Cecilia, I'd think it well hon. A cheater rarely stops doing what he does. If he's with someone and has the eyes on you now, he'll be with you and have the eyes on others too. If you can deal with that, fine, else, it's not something that can change within any relationship, keep the best-friendship instead.

I lost a few friends by letting things slip on the other side. We were great friends, we've let it turn into great passion ... but the passion didn't last, and once it was over, the "friendship" was never the same. And now I have a couple ex-friends I seriously miss...

It's a chance to take if you think it will really last, but if you have the slightest doubt, might be better to take some time to cool off, and go back to normal. He's a great friend to have anyway.

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

1,090 (edited by Miba Tuesday, June 22, 2010 5:07 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

Could it be because he's a friend who's a guy? And being such a close friend it has you confused?
How is his relationship with the woman he's with? Is it similar to yours, or does he really like her? In other words do you consider it cheating for him to like you? Remember, you're also someone who's in a relationship eying someone else. Not to say it's bad of you to do this, especially considering the situation.

And, Terra, that would be neat to have a therapist friend. I don't think I could though, I tend to weasel and lie a lot and they'd probably be able to see through it which would annoy me. But if you ever had any questions, they'd be right there.

Reality doesn't care if you believe in it.
[url]http://www.townparkradio.com[/url] - Video Game Remix Music

Re: Bf/Gf

Miba wrote:

Could it be because he's a friend who's a guy? And being such a close friend it has you confused?
How is his relationship with the woman he's with? Is it similar to yours, or does he really like her? In other words do you consider it cheating for him to like you? Remember, you're also someone who's in a relationship eying someone else. Not to say it's bad of you to do this, especially considering the situation.

And, Terra, that would be neat to have a therapist friend. I don't think I could though, I tend to weasel and lie a lot and they'd probably be able to see through it which would annoy me. But if you ever had any questions, they'd be right there.

lol, yes and no. He gets paid for this kind of things, so I don't want to abuse. And anyway, like most therapists, he's also a nutcase, lol, so we play the therapist with each other alternatively, lol.

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

Re: Bf/Gf

To Terra:  Haha, it's actually the same exact computer I have now, one awesome 15inch mac book pro (best computers ever!).  The only difference is the one I'll be getting for school comes with all the latest adobe software and if the school can finally make a deal, Maya! And thanks for the potential comment, I'm working on it tongue  The teachers all seemed really nice when I made a campus trip so I'm thinking it's going to be an awesome experience.

Back to the topic on hang, Cecillia, I had the same exact situation a couple years ago.  My friend asked me out then two days later my major crush/friend asked me out.  I told him no because the first guy had already asked so it wouldn't be fair.  In the end, things didn't work out with the first guy and by that time, the second guy was already seeing someone else.  Life is funny like that.  Just go with your gut, but don't mistake puppy love/crushing for true love.  They are two way different things.

CA

jet pack & rocket launcher-800 credits, mandolorian armor-5,000 credits, being the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy-priceless. brought to you by JediMaster Card

1,093 (edited by Terra Sunday, July 4, 2010 3:25 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

I am so... angry.

There's this guy. His name is Brandon. We've been talking for a little while. A few weeks, was nice, and kinda flirtatious and it was going well. I was starting to like him. We kept telling each other about past relationships and shared a lot of stuff... was fine, really.

Today he told me his "ex" he had been telling me about for so long, "well, isn't really an ex, but I am not sure if she is still true with me, it is still a relationship but maybe not"

GRR!!

Why not tell me that the very minute we started flirting ??????? "Hm, before we start anything, I have to warn you, I kinda have someone". Wouldn't that have been the least of things???

I am so sick and tired of time wasters and toxic idiots. It's like it's all I meet. Now that I look better than before, I seem to attract all the flies, what gives? Where are the decent guys?????????????

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

1,094 (edited by Excail Monday, July 5, 2010 12:21 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

Well, this Brandon you speak of, he's here now, and he doesn't care who knows it...

He's been through hell and back to keep himself alive, and has been struggling for his own happiness for almost his whole life, because people kept taking it away.

And whether it be Boyfriend, Best Friend, or even Just A Friend, he isn't going to forget about you and leave your side... He has had too many friends do the same thing to him, and so many bad relationships due to others not listening and expecting him to listen one sided, and even after all that and this, he trusts you, because you helped him realize something that has been killing all the pain and drama in his life, that he has a worth, and he is also human...

That GF you were talking about btw, she was making stories about going somewhere and he believed them like an idiot, and then on July 4th, she said she got back from those places, and broke up with him randomly, this is why he tried not to make it serious, because he figured something like this would happen and waited, and instead of keeping a secret to the bitter end like any other guy who had something like this going on in their life, he came to you because he believed you were special and he told you way before his GF randomly dumped him, because he expected it to happen, due to it happening the same way so many times before

Finally, he always hated his first name, but unlike everyone else he knew, he didn't mind you calling him by that name, because he not only trusted you, he wanted to let you know, you always have somebody, and no matter how much you hate them or love them, they will be there for you...

And with that being said, he will now bid you a friendly adièu, and hopes that you will be happier next time he sees you big_smile

Be true to those you love, and be even more true to yourself ;D

Re: Bf/Gf

Ugh! You here. You spy! you found me. Bounty Ewok huh big_smile

You're nuts. Too much all about pain and drama. That's just a bunch of impossible complicated stories with your ex GF or whatever you call her. "Here now and doesn't care who knows it" that's Da Attitude... gotta love that. Apparently I got myself in a mess again. A girl never knows what kind of oddballs she's gonna find huh?
yikes

Yes nuts and oddball. You're really a single man now, and what, maybe a bit my fault, is it? Be prepared to get teased properly! tongue

And don't call me mean. Terra's not mean, ask anyone here. smile

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

1,096 (edited by Excail Monday, July 5, 2010 1:07 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

I plan to tease you properly too tongue

Anyways, you're gonna have to step it up a notch to keep up with me now, I have my energy back big_smile

Be true to those you love, and be even more true to yourself ;D

Re: Bf/Gf

I have to say I am a little confused. What is going on here...I believe I have 99.9% of it figured out but humor me...

calvinanglin@gmail.com | Dei voluntas fiat
I seek to knowledge to share it.

Re: Bf/Gf

She found one person who isn't going to ditch her, no matter what big_smile

Be true to those you love, and be even more true to yourself ;D

1,099 (edited by Terra Monday, July 5, 2010 9:29 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

Excail wrote:

She found one person who isn't going to ditch her, no matter what big_smile

LOL
No one ditched me on here. You are not that special tongue
And "no matter what", rings a cynical bell. We'll see for this kind of promises. tongue

Don't worry, Karson. I am not really mean to him, just teasing, he's supposed to be big enough to know that.
wink

Cast iron and treadmills? Oh yes. Still sculpting me to what I really want to be, and I love it. :)

1,100 (edited by Excail Monday, July 5, 2010 9:46 am)

Re: Bf/Gf

I warned you I would tease back big_smile

Well, I guess I will go sit down at the park, and enjoy the moment, take care tongue

Be true to those you love, and be even more true to yourself ;D