Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

I can't say I see how it's possible to continue, but I now know how good you are at writing, so you probably have planned it all by now.

[url]http://impstherelentless.com/tek9.asp[/url]
Everyone should check out this movie. Too bad only chapter 1's ready.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Im not a very good author, but i think im goin to try to write somthing.

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Ah yes Cloner, I have a plan wink

Adeptus, you don't know until you try. Give it a go, practice makes perfect.

Here's an extra snippet:

Pois sat in her cell crying. Her life was in a shamble, at least what was left of her life. She’d made the wrong choice in betraying Etek for a second time. She felt as if something inside her had died when she realised he’d been co-operating with Boba Fett.

Slave I hummed with the noises of hyperspace and Pois knew her time was indeed short. She was dreading the meeting with Zorba but in truth he couldn’t torture her anymore than what she’d already done to herself.

She touched the thigh pocket which had held her stolen gems. Fett had taken them off her as soon as they boarded.

Etek’s helmet sat by her side, she picked it up and placed it on her head and breathed in the remanent of his scent. She had to remember that he had betrayed her too.

But she kept remembering what he said, “You thought that I wanted to be with you? Well if you had a heart that would have been a possibility. But clearly you don’t.” If she had a heart? She did but she had acted like she didn’t and now it was broken and it was her own fault.

She heard the light footfalls of Fett’s feet as he climbed down from the cockpit. She was glad she had Etek’s helmet on she didn’t want him seeing just how upset she was.

Fett approached her cell with a smock in his hand. “Etek will need his armour back. I suggest you change.” He said simply and tossed the smock at her. Then he turned and left. Pois let out a sigh and got changed. She piled Marsden’s armour lovingly in a pile and waited for the journey to end.

BFFC Moderator
It was like thousands of voices cried out for a sequel and were suddenly silenced...

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

This very interesting

calvinanglin@gmail.com | Dei voluntas fiat
I seek to knowledge to share it.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

When you're finished, can I make a word document of it? I want to show it to my sister, and it would be easier with a word document.

[url]http://impstherelentless.com/tek9.asp[/url]
Everyone should check out this movie. Too bad only chapter 1's ready.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

You can copy it, pull up MW and paste it.

calvinanglin@gmail.com | Dei voluntas fiat
I seek to knowledge to share it.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

thats pretty good my fan fiction is also pretty cool yet it was a short story for school i got a 4++ on it so the teacher says because she only put on a 4+

Ryan vanvulkangoedwell miss you bud your gone to heavan and you will be missed...Jared and Jacob your brothers...think of this not a good bye but a see you later.....and ill bring the beers! :?

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

What? You turned in some one else's work!

calvinanglin@gmail.com | Dei voluntas fiat
I seek to knowledge to share it.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Huh? I thought he was talking about his own story.

[url]http://impstherelentless.com/tek9.asp[/url]
Everyone should check out this movie. Too bad only chapter 1's ready.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Oh false alarm

calvinanglin@gmail.com | Dei voluntas fiat
I seek to knowledge to share it.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

The Cloner wrote:

When you're finished, can I make a word document of it? I want to show it to my sister, and it would be easier with a word document.

No probs, Cloner. I could probably email you a copy. wink

BFFC Moderator
It was like thousands of voices cried out for a sequel and were suddenly silenced...

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Thanks, that would be nice.

[url]http://impstherelentless.com/tek9.asp[/url]
Everyone should check out this movie. Too bad only chapter 1's ready.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Nice work, BFFC Mel. I'm looking forward to reading the next installment. smile

Cogito, ergo armatum sum- I think, therefore I'm armed.

39 (edited by Adeptus_Astartes Sunday, October 7, 2007 10:08 am)

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

I think i know whats going to happen..................I wont say what i think, incase some one dosnt know.
FINNALY! I have time to sit down and read the entire thing!

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

VERY COOL but what colors his mando stuff? and please dont END PLEASE!!!!!!!! its so cool

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

I'll make sure I describe it in the next bit. But basically, the gauntlets are a dull orange. The plates are a matching dull bronze and the body suit a dark green.

BFFC Moderator
It was like thousands of voices cried out for a sequel and were suddenly silenced...

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u really got to get that on bffc in multimedia or atleast get youre own page so in a few months i can read it again

Ryan vanvulkangoedwell miss you bud your gone to heavan and you will be missed...Jared and Jacob your brothers...think of this not a good bye but a see you later.....and ill bring the beers! :?

43 (edited by Adeptus_Astartes Thursday, October 11, 2007 6:46 pm)

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

I dont think text counts as multimedia......(does it?)

(ok, i think im just gona leave writing to you, and anyone else.......Im not doin so good....)

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Fan Fiction falls under Multimedia. Anyway here's some more, I thought I'd finish but more just keeps coming...

Zorba the Hutt sat in his amphitheatre with his servants, guests and entertainers. Boba Fett strode through them all with Pois bound in chains behind him. The Hutt liked a display of the down-trodden and Fett had learnt many years ago that it was worth his while to entertain a trivial client.

Zorba clapped his flabby little hands together as he saw the notorious bounty hunter. His glee only increased as he saw Pois in tow. “So Bounty Hunter, you have brought me the thief finally.”

Fett gave a simple nod in greeting. “The time taken was within your given period.”

“Perhaps,” Zorba said, “but do you have my precious gems?”

Fett lifted the velvet bag and jiggled it so the Hutt could hear the stones rattle.

“Give them to me.” Zorba instructed.

“Not until I’m paid.” Fett replied, he was no fool when it came to Hutt dealings.

The Hutt grumbled but didn’t object. “Very well, the two hundred thousand credits shall be paid.”

“It was four hundred thousand, Zorba.” Fett corrected.

“Oh, no I’m sure it was two. But perhaps you are right it must have been three hundred thousand.” Zorba garbled.

Fett tilted his head to the side and placed the velvet bag back into his utility belt pouch. “You pay me or I go with what I came with.”

“I’m deeply insulted that you try and push me for more money than we agreed on.” Zorba huffed.

Fett fingered the trigger of his blaster in an intimidating manner. “You are forgetful. The negotiated terms were four hundred thousand for the gems and the thief. Two hundred thousand was for the return of one alone.”

Zorba rubbed his chin as if in thought. “This does sound familiar to me. Let me see the gems.”

“Deposit the money and they are yours once more.” Fett replied coldly.

“How do I know they are mine if you don’t show me?” Zorba exclaimed.

“My reputation alone should assure you.” Fett said sharply.

The Hutt couldn’t argue with that. But he, like all Hutts, was loath to part with his credits. “Let’s make a deal then.”

Of course, Fett had expected this. “The deal was already made.”

“That was just a pre-negotiation. Let us settle on a final price.” Zorba continued on. “We’ll leave it at two hundred thousand for the gems, as for the girl, how about seventy five thousand?”

“No.” Fett said simply.

“But she is a pathetic shadow of the thief I saw. Look at her, in rags no less.” Zorba spat.

Pois stood with her head down and despair in her heart. She was no challenge for a Hutt wanting to break a high spirited criminal. He was displeased with such a sorry prize.

“You wanted her broken, that I have done already.” Fett told.

Zorba looked annoyed, “I wanted to do further but it seems you were too efficient.”

“I did only what you asked.” Fett replied.

Zorba curled his fat lip in disgust. “Fine, have your four hundred thousand. But I am not pleased and my associates will hear about this.”

Fett didn’t react he was used to empty threats from the Hutts. They wouldn’t hire anyone else for the troublesome jobs, no one could compete with him in those stakes.

Once the credits were safely deposited into his account, Boba Fett handed over the gems and Helif Pois.

“Get her out of my sight!” Zorba growled at a pair of his guards who gladly dragged Pois away.

Boba Fett gave a false nod of respect to the Hutt and left Helif Pois to her fate.

-

It was raining when Etek landed the shuttle back on Dxun. It was only a light shower and didn’t affect the shuttle’s ability to land.

As Etek disembarked he was greeted by the Commander. “How did it go?” the Commander asked.

“She’s gone.” Etek replied simply.

“There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?” the Commander asked, but it was more an acknowledgement of fact than anything else.

“Fett came for her,” Etek stated.

The Commander nodded his understanding, “I see. Was he annoyed at our interference?”

Etek shook his head, “No. He saw me before we left Dxun. He actually rewarded me with these.” Etek said as he displayed his new gauntlets and armour.

The Commander admired the dark orange gauntlets that were in fine shape. The armour was also of high quality. The body armour was a dusky rust colour while the flight suit was a dark green. The helmet was a stylised version of the Mandalorian helmet Fett wore. “You must be honoured to receive such gifts from Boba Fett.”

Etek nodded, “I am. I was also surprised.”

“No doubt, Boba Fett is not known for his generosity.” The Commander pointed out.

Again Etek nodded.

“What is wrong, Marsden?” The Commander asked.

Etek noticed that the Commander used his first name, it was an uncommon occurrence. “I feel used and betrayed, but I know I shouldn’t.”

“You cared for her, that’s why it hurts.” The Commander told.

Etek nodded, taking in the Commander’s advice but it didn’t sooth his ache. “I guess this is what you meant by a test?”

The Commander shrugged, “Life is a test, soldier. You did what you thought was right, never doubt your instincts.”

Etek looked at his gauntlets again and it lifted his spirits to a degree but not enough.

“The best thing to do is get on with things. We’ve got another job.” The Commander informed him.

Etek looked up, but didn’t feel his usual enthusiasm for such an occasion.

The Commander patted him on the shoulder, “You’ll like this one. It’s for Zorba the Hutt.”

Etek immediately straightened up. “What? I mean what are we doing?”

“Zorba’s got some renegade smugglers he wants brought in. They stole a few shipments of spice off him. As you can image, Zorba wants compensation.” The Commander told.

Etek smirked beneath his helmet, “Typical Hutt.”

“So are you coming along?” The Commander asked.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Etek answered.

-

Helif Pois lay curled in a ball on the cold stone floor of her cell. It was dark, dank and smelt of faeces and vomit. Pois had her arms wrapped around her legs, holding herself as she tried to shut out the pain. The smock she had been wearing was torn to shreds across her back where she’d been whipped. Her finger and toes bleed from having the nails ripped out and her face was a mottle of blue and black bruises.

Her only saving grace was the fact that she was alone in her cell. Dried tears had left clean marks on her dirt covered face. Her dark hair was messily pulled from her ponytail as she sobbed without any tears. Death seemed liked a distant friend who couldn’t come soon enough.

The one thing that kept running through her mind was why she had been stupid enough to leave Marsden Etek behind. She should have stayed with him instead of stealing his ship, things would have worked out for the better. She dreamed of a reality that could have been. It was the only thing that held her battered mind and body together.

The sound of the metal door squealing open swept away her thoughts as her eyes opened widely in horror. She didn’t dare think of what was to come next. She only prayed that death would come sooner rather than later.

BFFC Moderator
It was like thousands of voices cried out for a sequel and were suddenly silenced...

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

ok, i was wrong.


This is great.

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Which were you wrong about? The Multimedia or how you thought the story would go?

Anyway here is the final installment:

There was nothing like deep space fighting to cleanse one’s mind. Etek concentrated hard as he flew his small fighter after one of the five smuggler vessels.

His Wing Commander gave him instructions to flank the nearest vessel as their larger ships disabled her.

The swarm of his comrades’ ships warmed Etek with pride. His village along with three others had combined to pull this job off. Their Mandalore was overseeing the whole operation. To be part of such a mission was an honour.

But it was over all too quickly. The smugglers were no match for a bunch of battle-hardened Mandalorians. Although Etek was hardly a veteran of such battles, he felt more than capable of supporting his fellow Mandalorian descendants.

Before long they were at Zorba’s lair bringing in the multitude of smugglers and crew from their large ships. The Commander had instructed his squad to take the smugglers to the dungeons to receive their penalties. Etek thought it a rather interesting use of words.

Etek escorted a number of smugglers to their cells before he noticed a few of his fellow soldiers pointing at one particular cell. As Etek walked passed them he overheard them saying something about the occupant being dead. He decided he’d have a better look on his return.

After passing the captive smuggler on to one of Zorba’s thugs, Etek had a chance to look in the cell. He saw a being curled in a loose ball, their tattered clothing shredded to almost nothing. Their dark hair was mattered and hung over their face. Dried pools of blood were stained on the floor. Etek was unsure if they belonged to the pitiful being inside the cell or to some previous occupants. Etek was about to move on when the being spoke. “Marsden…” It croaked.

Etek stepped back in shock. The mess sat up and Etek was able to see it was a woman. He tilted his head to the side and took a step closer. The dark hair moved away from her face enough for Etek to see the dark eyes underneath. “Helif?” he asked with horror.

“Yes,” she hissed through split lips before dropping back to the floor.

Etek blinked, his heart thundering in his chest. This could not be the woman who had been captured by Boba Fett. He did not want to accept that Zorba the Hutt had inflicted so much damage to the woman who had been so strong in spirit and will.

At that moment a fellow soldier stopped by his side. “I think she’d dead.”

Etek paused as he realised it was the Commander by his side. He was about to speak but the Commander raised a hand to silence him. “Guard!” the Commander called.

A hefty Zabrak guard came sauntering their way. “What do you want, Mandalorian?”

The Commander pointed into the cell. “I think that one is dead.”

The Zabrak peered into the cell with a sneer. “About time, she’s endured a lot of punishment. I’m amazed she didn’t bite the dust earlier on.”

The Commander shrugged and looked at Etek, “I guess she had something to keep her going.”

The Zabrak shrugged, “Not anymore it would seem. I’ll call someone to clean this up.”

The Commander shook his head, “We can take her off your hands, we’ve got some bodies to dispose of anyway.”

The Zabrak looked uncertain. “Zorba likes to ensure that the dead are dead.”

The Commander pointed a finger at the unmoving lump, “Does she look alive to you?”

Taking a closer look the Zabrak then nodded, “Fine get rid of her, it’s one less we’ve got to deal with.”

The Zabrak opened the door and Etek was in there before the guard could change his mind, he just prayed that Pois didn’t moan in pain when he picked her up. He put one arm under her knees before hefting her over his shoulder. He decided it was best to act as though she were nothing more than another body.

Pois didn’t make a sound and Etek was afraid that she might actually be dead. He carried her out of the cell and back to his Commander’s ship. The last of the smugglers had been taken into the Hutt’s custody so it was only a matter of time before the Mandalorians headed home to Dxun.

Etek wanted to put Pois into a Bacta Tank but if the Hutt or his guards wanted to do a spot search they’d soon realise that Pois wasn’t dead. Instead he slipped her into one of the metal cases for the dead. He marked the box with a red X and went back to his ship.

-

The flight home was a long one for Etek. His mind kept wandering to thoughts of Pois in that metal case, hoping she was able to survive the trip back to Dxun.

It wasn’t until he was back on the ground that Etek was able to find out the status of Pois. The boxes were being unloaded as he headed to the larger ship. The hanger was an underground haven that masked the number of ships the Mandalorian descendants actually had.

When Etek saw the box with the red X on it, he ran towards it. He pushed his fellow soldiers aside to open it and found it empty. He looked up in distress. “What happened to the body that was in this case?”

One of the other soldiers shrugged, “Dunno, maybe they dumped the bodies before the hyperspace jump.”

The thought sent a chill through Etek, “Where’s the Commander?”

“I think he went to see the medic.” The soldier replied.

Etek ran the whole way. He was relieved to see Helif floating in one of the eight Bacta Tanks with her eyes closed.

“I didn’t think it’d take you long to get here.” The Commander remarked.

Shilton was monitoring Pois although he was clearly displeased about it. He was sporting a broken nose from Pois’ earlier attack on him.

“How is she?” Etek asked.

Shilton shrugged, “Alive.”

“I’d like an actual answer.” Etek growled.

Shilton rolled his eyes, “Fine. She’s got three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, various lacerations to her back, a broken arm and heavy bruising over most of her body. Oh did I mention that she’s missing all her finger nails and toe nails.”

Etek felt ill, he also felt partially responsible. However it had been Helif’s decision to steal his ship that had resulted in her current state. “How long will it take her to heal?”

Shilton shrugged, “Probably a few weeks. I haven’t done a full analysis. She could have internal damage.”

Etek’s whole posture sagged. “When will you know for sure?”

“Give me a few hours and I should be able to tell you,” Shilton told as he adjusted the settings on the Bacta tank.

Etek looked up at Pois’ floating figure. She certainly was a mess. Her face was distorted from the swelling and bruising. Her hands and feet were also swollen while the rest of her was either bruised or lacerated. Despite her repeated betrayals Etek really did care for her. He didn’t want her to die, he wanted her to live.

Etek sat down on one of the beds, “I’ll wait here until you get the results.” He told Shilton.

The medic looks slightly surprised but nodded, “Very well then.”

-

Etek awoke with a start as he looked up to see that he had been woken by Shilton. He wondered for a moment why he was in the Med Bay then he looked at the Bacta tanks and remembered. “What’s the verdict?” Etek asked.

Shilton rubbed his chin, “Well other than what I told you initially, she’s got some swelling around her kidneys and she’s undernourished. I don’t think they were feeding her, which isn’t surprising under the circumstances.”

Etek nodded glad that things weren’t worse but still not happy. “Will she be okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, she’ll heal but it will take time. She can stay in the Bacta tank for a week or so to assist with the healing process but it’ll be a while before she’s back to her charming self.” Shilton said with a touch of jest.

Etek smiled beneath his helmet. “Well I guess I should go home and clean up.”

“And you should get some real sleep,” Shilton informed Etek as he shoed him out the door. “She’s not going anywhere fast.”

-

A week passed and Helif Pois didn’t seem to be getting any better. Shilton decided to leave her in the Bacta tank for another week and Etek found himself consumed with concern. He was worried that Shilton had missed something but the medic assured him all was fine. “Some people just heal faster than others,” he’d said. Etek took little comfort in this and spent his every waking hour, beyond his duties, sitting by Helif’s side.

He talked to her unconscious floating form, telling her about his day or memories from his past. He told her that she was getting better and that it wouldn’t be long before she was out of the Bacta tank and could eat real food.

Etek spent enough time to see Helif’s bruises fade from black to blue, then grey to green and then finally to the dull yellow they were now. Yet she was still unconscious.

Etek was making his way back to his cabin for a sleep when he noticed that the door was open. He was tired but lifted his blaster and stepped in the doorway. He was surprised to see Boba Fett sitting on his sofa. “What are you doing here?” Etek asked with a touch of shock.

“I came to return your armour,” Fett replied as he pointed to the neat pile on the kitchen counter.

“Is that all?” Etek asked, hoping that Fett hadn’t returned to take Pois back to Zorba.

“No,” Fett answered as he stood. “You stole from a Hutt.”

Etek stood his ground, “He thought she was dead anyway.”

Fett stepped forward, “You’re as bad as she is.”

Etek started to say something when Fett dangled a pouch before his face. “Give this to her.”

“What is it?” Etek growled.

“It’s a rare herb that’s extremely powerful for healing.” Fett told.

Etek was suddenly baffled, “Why are you doing this?”

“It takes guts to steal from a Hutt when you’re not a thief.” Fett stated.

“But I thought…” Etek started.

“Don’t think, just take it and be grateful.” With that Fett patted him on shoulder then turned to leave.

“Wait,” Etek said and Boba Fett paused. “Thank you.”

Fett gave a nod in return, “Put the herbs in her Bacta tank.” With that said he left Etek’s cabin.


At Fett’s departure Etek immediately returned to the Med Bay and emptied the pouch’s contents into Helif’s Bacta tank. He then stood before it, his hand pressed to the glass. “I hope this helps you, Helif. I’ll see you in the morning.”

-

Etek woke late the next morning and was thankful he didn’t have patrol duty. He dressed casually and considered having a shave but couldn’t be bothered. He walked his usual path to the Med Bay and was startled to see that Helif’s Bacta tank was empty. He opened his mouth to ask Shilton where she was when he spotted her in a nearby bed.

“You’re awake!” Etek grinned as he saw Helif squint at him.

“Yeah, I feel like I’ve been trampled on by a bantha.” Helif replied wearily.

Etek gently took her hand in his, “I wasn’t sure if you’d ever wake up.”

The corner of Helif’s lips turned upward slightly, “I didn’t want to at one stage.”

Etek tenderly pushed a lock of her hair away from her face. Her dotted black markings were easy to see now that the bruising had faded. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

“I wasn’t sure if you would be,” Helif told as she fought to keep her eyes open.

“You should sleep,” Etek told her as he observed her pretty face.

“I know, but you’re here,” Helif said with real meaning.

Etek smiled, “I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

With that, Helif Pois closed her eyes and dreamed of a brighter future where the only thing she intended to steal was Marsden Etek’s heart.

The End

Well I hope you enjoyed that, I must admit I enjoyed writing it. Even if it did take me ages tongue

BFFC Moderator
It was like thousands of voices cried out for a sequel and were suddenly silenced...

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Nice story, the Commander is still my favorite character. And I doubt Etek will manage to keep Helif from stealing... In the first parts she seems to be the type of character who can't stay away from other's property, but who knows? Maybe the thought of Zorba will make her think twice before she steals anything again.

[url]http://impstherelentless.com/tek9.asp[/url]
Everyone should check out this movie. Too bad only chapter 1's ready.

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

VERY interesting story, keep writeing.

[i]"Sir, Finishing this Cake."[/i]

49 (edited by virulent_messiah Monday, December 10, 2007 10:00 pm)

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

Wow!

Kudos Mel!

I think you've inspired me to consider posting some fan fic of my own...

I'm just hoping to get some personal issues resolved, so i can be in the proper state of mind...

Well done...

"Kom'rk tsad droten troch nyn ures adenn, Dha Werda Verda a'den tratu."
  [url]http://mercs.firespray.net/forum/index.php?topic=39267.0[/url]

Re: Fan Fic: Whispers on Dxun

I plan to either A: continue the one i was already makeing, or B:start a new one (It would be that Epic thing, but as a story)


Good luck with the story if you decide to do it V_M I will be reading.

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]