Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

draco fett wrote:

Here are are some of my favorites:

Mr. T can do push-ups with both arms behind his back.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A bird in Mr. T's hand is considered a deadly weapon in more than 69 states.

Oxygen requires Mr. T to live.

Mr. T can speak in Wingdings.

Mr. T refers to himself in the first person.

Jeeves askes Mr. T.

Most hand sanitizers kill 99.9% of germs. Mr. T kills 110% of whatever he wants.

big_smile smile
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   and though it pains me greatly to say it, and I'm probably gona get roundhouse kicked to the face for it I think Mr.T does win for now, but please dont stop with the jokes

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

If you misspell "Mr. T" on Google, it does not say "did you mean Mr. T." It says "Run for your life."

take it easy baby take it as it comes

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

# Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

# Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.

# MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

# Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

# Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

# The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

# Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

# It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

# Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.

# Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

# Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

# When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

# Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.

# 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

# Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

# Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

Fett_II wrote:

Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

this is untrue, as Chuck Norris can be in two places at once, also three in fron of you, inside of you, and behind you. 1 he is standing infront of you 2 his forearm is in your chest cavity
3 his fist is behind you, holding you beating heart.

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

55 (edited by draco fett Tuesday, July 31, 2007 4:52 pm)

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

You know what happens when Mr. T falls off his horse? Nothing, because Mr. T never falls off his horse.

There was one instance in history in which Mr. T fell. The result was the Grand Canyon.

Mr. T doesn't have a bank account. He just goes to the bank and and tells them how much he wants.

Mr. T doesn't give Christmas presents. Living to Christmas is his present.

Mr. T can be very superstitious. If a black cat crosses his path, he will rip its head off. Actually, Mr. T will rip the head off of anything that crosses his path.

Name an object. Mr. T invented that.

Medusa once looked Mr. T in the eye. She turned to stone.

Ozzy Osbourne accidentily bit a bat's head off. Mr. T accidentily bit Ozzy Osbourne's head off.

The fastest way to a man's heart is Mr. T's fist.

Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T has correct grammer. The rest of us are just fools who don't know when to stop our jibba-jabba.

What is the last thing going through Mr. T's victims? His fist.

Mr. T is the reason why armies have camoflauge. Unfortuanatly, it never works.

Mr. T can set magnifying on fire with an ant. Scientists have yet to explain this.

Mr. T doesn't delete files from his computer, he kills them.

Someone once tried to rob Mr. T's house. Neither Heaven nor Hell wanted them on the grounds that "Stupidity like that might be contagious."

The Tzar Bomb starts with a T for a reason.

Mr. T is the only person who can "do this at home."

Contrary to popular belief, Trix are also for Mr. T.

Mr. T once broke out of Alcatraz. He then broke back in because he forgot his toothbrush.

take it easy baby take it as it comes

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

If you are round house kicked by Chuck Norris and some how survive all you can say for a month is "beard beard roundhouse kick roundhouse kick yeah"

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

If you get pitied by Mr. T, you don't survive. You just don't.

take it easy baby take it as it comes

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

Name a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
#         In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

# Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ***, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

# If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

# If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ***.

# Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."

# Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.

# MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.

# Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

# What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.

# Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

# The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

# There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

# Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

Personally, if these two fought, I figure the universe would explode.

YOUR AD HERE--this space for rent (or lease to own). Call 1-234-5678

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

Mr. T sheds his skin twice a year.

The U.S. government finds Mr. T's neck a better place to keep their gold than Fort Knox.

The most honorable way to die is to take a bullet for Mr. T. Mr. T finds this funny because he is, in fact, bullet-proof.

If you re-arrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll break you.

If Mr. T re-arranges the letters in Mr. T, he'll break you.

Gravity does not exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay down. Birds and planes are exempt because they are shaped like Ts.

Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

The last person who made eye contact with Mr. T is Ray Charles.

Every year, Mr. t picks one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Mr. T can speak brallie.

When Mr. T gives you the finger, he's actually telling you how many seconds you have to live.

take it easy baby take it as it comes

61 (edited by Adeptus_Astartes Tuesday, July 31, 2007 6:41 pm)

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

Ph34r wrote:

Personally, if these two fought, I figure the universe would explode.

read the C3PO Vs TC-14

Fett_II wrote:

The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

unfortunately Chuck is blade-proof

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

Hey according to the Ultimate SHowdown of Ultimate Destiny it took Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight andBenito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan to defeat Chuck Norris.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=76CS9z9kQ44
Unfortunately no Mr. T.

[i]Like I told your captain, the orphange attacked me.  It was self-defense.[/i]  -Richard the Warlock  [url]http://archive.lfgcomic.com/lfg0002.gif[/url]

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

That's because if Mr. T was in it, it would last about a second.

take it easy baby take it as it comes

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

i think ive got one......mr t doesnt go into the shed, the shed goes to mr t, ????? is that a mr t joke?   sad

You've been holding out on us again haven't you? Since you haven't given us enough money, I'll guess I'll have to take it out of you piece by piece! - Unknown Mandalorian.

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

Umm... I don't think that's even a joke.

take it easy baby take it as it comes

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

sad  sad   sad   you were saying mr t jokes and they funny! ( head exploding!!! )

You've been holding out on us again haven't you? Since you haven't given us enough money, I'll guess I'll have to take it out of you piece by piece! - Unknown Mandalorian.

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

but why would a shed go to Mr.T in the first place?

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

because you guys were saying stuff like that in your jokes

You've been holding out on us again haven't you? Since you haven't given us enough money, I'll guess I'll have to take it out of you piece by piece! - Unknown Mandalorian.

69 (edited by draco fett Wednesday, August 1, 2007 7:37 am)

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

You didn't answer his question. Why would a shed go into Mr. T?

We were saying things like "Mr. T can do push-ups with both hands behind his back," or "Mr. T doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is."

take it easy baby take it as it comes

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

I also wonder why a shed would go to Mr.T

Sev Fett wrote:

Hey according to the Ultimate SHowdown of Ultimate Destiny it took Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight andBenito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan to defeat Chuck Norris.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=76CS9z9kQ44
Unfortunately no Mr. T.

ok, either you just watched that or you wrote it down or you got the lyrics, casue there is no way you can memorize that ive watched that like 157 times and i dont have it memorized

Angels sang out an imaculate chourus,
and down from the hevans decended Chuck Norris,
who deliverd a kick which could shatter bones,
into the crotch of Indiana Jones
who fell to the ground,
writhing in pain,
as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne,
but Chuck saw through this clever disguise,
and crushed Batman's head in between his thighs

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

71 (edited by draco fett Wednesday, August 1, 2007 4:46 pm)

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

My friend used to have it completely memorised.

take it easy baby take it as it comes

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

i can get most of it, but not past "Theodore" in the #of ppl it took to take down chuck, then after that i think i got the rest

[i]The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed[/i]
[url=http://lfgcomic.com/page/1]Interrogations are hard...[/url]

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

draco fett wrote:

If you misspell "Mr. T" on Google, it does not say "did you mean Mr. T." It says "Run for your life."

Ha thats a good one, you need to write a book!

calvinanglin@gmail.com | Dei voluntas fiat
I seek to knowledge to share it.

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

there's probably a site for all this stuff.

Re: Chuck Norris vs Mr.T

I wonder.....I'll go see.....

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I seek to knowledge to share it.