# Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
# Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
# MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
# Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
# Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
# The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
# Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
# It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
# Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
# Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
# Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
# When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
# Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
# 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
# Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
# Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.