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Humor /
Humor /
Boba Fett Jokes

American Star Wars

To the tune of Don McLean's American Pie
filked by Jeremy Thorpe

(slowly) A long, long time ago,
Said the opening titles
Lucas wrote part four of nine
About a young man in his prime
And whether to the Dark Side he would stray.
Two droids who were named Artoo and
Threepio crashed on Tatooine.
They had to find Kenobi
In desert worse than Gobi.
I can't remember if I cried
When Vader ordered fratricide,
But I know I was horrified
The day the Jawas died.

And Luke was singing
Bye-bye cause this planet's too dry.
(speed up) Drove his speeder to Mos Eisley to go join the Allies.
And Obi-Wan, he chopped the arm off some guy,
Sayin' Soon, Luke, you will be a Jedi,
Soon, Luke, you will be a Jedi.

(rollicking) They flew off to Alderaan
But when they got there it was gone
Nothing left but asteroids.
So Solo plotted a new course
While Luke learned how to use the force
And Chewie played some space chess with the droids.
Oh, and while we heard John Williams theme,
The Death Star used a tractor beam.
Ben went to shut it down
So the others could leave town.
Luke was a lonely, teen-aged Jedi Knight,
With an X-wing fighter and a sword of light,
And he knew he had to join the fight
The day Kenobi died.

And we were singin
Bye-bye, it's the Death Star's demise.
It was blown up by a rebel who was code-named Red Five.
And Vader very nearly didn't survive
Cause Han picked a damn good time to arrive,
He picked a damn good time to arrive.

Oh, on Hoth they built a rebel base,
Two decades after Lost in Space,
So the fight could start again.
Luke got captured by a beast
Which saved him for the evening feast
Til he used the Force to help him self-defend.
Oh, and Han slit up his Tauntaun's hideB So a Lukesicle could crawl inside.
Then, alas and alack,
The Empire struck back!
As the AT-ATs walked on through the snow
The rebels cried out Tallyho!
But it was like the Alamo
The day Luke's gunner died.

They were singin,
Bye-bye, let us deoccupy.
If we stay here too much longer we will be vaporized.
And Luke flew off to meet with Yoda the Wise,
Sayin' I must learn to be a Jedi,
I must learn to be a Jedi.

Boggy, foggy, full of little froggies,
Dagobah was damp and soggy,
But that's where Yoda had his home.
He was a wizened little gnome,
Two feet high when fully grown
But he taught Luke how to make the Force his own.
Ah, but Luke's friends were in trouble deep,
With Threepio piled in a heap.
Our heroes were betrayed
Thrown in the stockade!
Oh, and by Darth Vader Luke was maimed,
Then he hung from a weathervane
And he learned Vader's real name
The day Han Solo got frozen in a block of carbonite.

And they were singin',

Bye-bye, Lando's town in the sky.
They left although they had a broken-down hyperdrive.
And Boba Fett flew off with Han in Slave I
They'd be gone til Return of the Jedi,
Gone til Return of the Jedi.

Then, for three years, we were on our own
While Han played Indiana Jones
And Carrie married Rhymin' Paul.
Sy Snootles sang for Jabba's chums
Like Bib Fortuna and Salacious Crumb
While Solo hung around on Jabba's wall.
Oh, and after Leia got him down
The Sarlacc waited underground.
It swallowed Boba Fett.
(The worst indigestion yet!)
And while Leia changed out of her bra,
Luke flew off to Dagobah
And he was there to hold his paw
The day that Yoda died.

He was singin',
Bye-bye to the little green guy.
He trained Vader and Kenobi and Luke to be Jedi.
And now he's gone to that big bog in the sky,
Saying Luke, there is another young Sky.....
Luke there is another young
Sky.....walk......errrrrgghhhhh.....

(slowly) Luke met a man named Palpatine,
An Emperor of bein' mean,
Who wanted Luke to be his heir.
Meanwhile, on the moon below,
Rebels struck a counterblow
With some assistance from some teddy bears.
And in the sky, the spaceships blazed;
The fighters fought, and the lasers lazed.
The battle, it was heated;
The Empire was defeated.
And the three Jedi admired most
Yoda, Ben and Vader's ghost
They all glowed blue and raised a toast
The day Darth Vader died.

And we were singin',
Bye-bye Return of the Jedi,
We'll wait fifteen years for sequels as Binkley prophesied.
And while we wait, we'll make do with Deep Space Nine,
Singin' May the Force be with you and I,
May the Force be with you and I.

(faster) Now we're singin',
Bye-bye Return of the Jedi,
We'll wait fifteen years for sequels as Binkley prophesied.
And while we wait, we'll make do with Deep Space Nine,
Singin' May the Force be with you and I.