Topic: Guy Advice
Sorry, I feel like I'm betraying you RC, but I need some guy advice from you guys and gals.
Just read what I wrote in my comp's journal:
In the begining, we were both afraid to acknowledge it. I tried to hide it from you and you from I.My friends say I was too obvious.I guess that comes from not caring what people think.Your's say that you did a good job of hiding it, That comes from being a loner.That is, if you ever were trying to hide something.
We went on like that for months on end.I don't know how you felt.But, it was a day-to-day struggle for me to act like myself when all I wanted to do was to run far, far away and hide under a rock until these feelings for you went away.
I finally got tired of all the mixed signals I got from you and tried to ask you out to the party.I remember word-for-word what you said and it confused me."No. No, 'cause I'm not going." I didn't persue the statement and, now, I wish I had. Were you telling me no forever or were you only saying no to this?
I wish I knew how to talk to you, but you were closed up like a clam on Friday
....The day of the party....I had decided that I didn't care if you went or not.I was gonna have fun with my girlfriends.
And then you showed up about a half hour after I had been there.I was shocked that you came and I guess so were you 'cause you never took your eyes off me...I know cause I never took my eyes off you.I know we must have stood there for what felt like a day, just staring at each other.I looked away first, how did that make you feel? Where you just shocked that I came, after you said no?
If that was it, then, you really don't know me do you? I turned away and felt your eyes on me for a long time.Eventually, I forgot you were even there, sorry.
Merfie, one of my best friends, told me later that you walked off to the corner of the gym and stared at me whole time.While my friends and I danced and acted like only girlfriends can do.
I wish you'd make up you're mind.Infact, there are days where I just want to punch you in the face until I knocked you out of existence for being indecisive and confusing.
We went our seperate ways until the next Friday....the last day of school....I wore what I did at the party, my Mom made me, that tan tanktop that my Dad would have killed me for wearing, those Army cargo shorts, my hair was pulled up into a loose bun with chop-sticks, and my size 12 and half wide men's tennis shoes.You wore a maroon collar shirt, the nice kind, those tan cargo pants and, those Airforce boots that you know I love.
Paul and Merfie teamed up to play match-maker.She got you to sign my annual, which by the way, is barely legiable.You wrote,"Have a great summe, Hope to see ya nex yer,".Personally, I think you were lying.Nobody has ever "hoped" to see me, the StarWars Freak, again and friends don't count.
And then Paul told me,"He wants you to sign his annual".It was then I realized that he, too, was lying. You didn't have an annual.But, me, the retard, played along.
"Tell, him that if he wants me to sign to come over here and I'll sign it."
I have no idea what Paul told you but he came back and said,"He says for you to come over to him."Of course, I thought that, at the time, he was talking about my sig,but, now, I'm not that sure if that's what you wanted to talk about
I shook my head and said,"If he wants my sig, then he'll have to come find me."
Paul then told me,"Stay here, then."
I didn't. I ran off, I didn't want you to find me.I wasn't trying to play hard-to-get, if it seemed like it, then I am sorry for that.My friends tried to get me to stay where I was, that was the first time I've ever ignored them.I ran to the face painting
I hope that you didn't try and follow me.
Then, after Kara gave me a pic of Gir and the word Seraphim, it was time for our class to go inside the Little Theater for Karioke. I tried to forget about you but, the butterflies in my stomach and my memory wouldn't let me.When both of our team's English teachers got up there, I stood and clapped to the beat with my BFs.I don't know what you did, I was struggling to not to even think about you.
When that was over, our class went to the gym for dancing.At first I hid from everyone but, I thought,"Screw it. I'm not gonna let some guy keep me from enjoying myself."So, I learned how to do the Electric Slide. Then, Paul went back to playing match-maker.He forcably showed you where I was and both you and I caught each other's gaze.Once again, I looked away first.You disappeared and, truthfully, I had hoped that it would stay that way, I didn't need another reason to act more emo then I already was by then.
I should have known that it was too good to be true.I came back from throwing Kara's and my Hawaiian Punch away when I saw you walk over near my friends. I tried to catch Kara's eyes but, she didn't seem to understand what I was trying to tell her, so, as usual, I had no choice in what I had to do.I went over to my friends and tried to ignore you.I never looked your way and I hope you didn't look my way.
At lunch, we both ignored each other...most of our friends were outside
I barely even touched my food, I only drank my chocolate milk, it was all my stomach would allow me to have.
Finally, at the end of the day, I found my brother, Luke, I didn't know you were on the stairs that we sat at the foot of, shows how dumb I am, eh?We, my brother and I, finished talking and I said,"I love ya, Luke. See ya when we get home,"and I kissed him on the top of his head and ruffled his hair.I think that flipped a switch in you cause you just got up and started to walk out of the lobby.I sardonically asked,"Where's your damn annual?"You didn't know I was being sarchastic, you turned and barked at me,"I don't have a damn annual, Megan."I shrugged,"So, Paul's still a liar." It wasn't meant as a question but, you answered anyway.
You're eyes looked pained/hurt for the breifest of seconds and then, they regained their hardness and coldness we both share, perhaps that is the only thing that we do, and said,"Yeah, he is."
I don't know why that hurt so much but, Kara will tell you, it did.
I never thought it would come to this. And, I would understand if you never want to see me again.I would understand...
Yeah, I need some help.