I'm kind of confused about what to do, actually. I didn't talk to him more at the time because my husband was home (and we were minutes away from dinner being ready) and he's used to his exes. Every now and then one of them will ask him if he wants to go out or if he's still single or if he's divorced me or something. And a lot of his exes became exes because they cheated on him. So I suppose he has a good reason for not wanting to talk to any of them, and me being new to that ideal would just go with what he's done and said.
Me and my ex were fairly good friends, during good times. There was also a lot of bad times, so I think I don't think I've really forgiven him for that. I spent a lot of years on him I could have spent progressing my life (working on my sewing, saving money for house, etc) if I hadn't been so stubbornly trying to make it work. But if we become friends again will I have to deal with the bad again?
Also, it would feel awkward being friends with a guy while I'm married. I mean, for you, Terra, you're single right now, and I can understand being friends with your kid's dads, I mean, my mom still talks to my dad occasionally and when they meet in person they're usually polite to each other with the occasional snide remark. (and they were married for something like 15 years) And I don't think I could IM him, I think that would be out entirely because I don't think I'd feel comfortable with it. But then do I email him? Without telling my husband? That feels like it's going behind my husband's back, which feels like the road to lying and cheating. But if I tell him he's just going to say it's a bad idea and to forget about him. Perhaps do it and then tell him? Like, say, "So I emailed him and wow, I'm glad I married a real man." I'm just not really good with friends in general, guy or gal. I have a tendency to get tired of people and say and do things to make them just mad enough to not talk to me anymore. My husband is the only best friend I've ever had, and a lot of the time I feel that he's the only friend I need. (I have a friend at work, and a friend online, and of course you guys) I wouldn't want to be friends with him.
My husband thinks he wants back with me, and I don't really know. It was the feeling I got though. But it's been three years, it's time to move on. Perhaps talking to me again would encourage him to find someone else? Or would that just set him back? Thinking on our previous conversations about contact or no contact and we'd all decided no contact is better does that apply here? Or if he really does just want to talk (get some closure, resolve things, apologize) one or two emails would be a good thing?
I for myself, I kind of miss some of the things we did, like studying SW, but overall the only emotion I feel is irritation and a bit of resentment.
I feel like talking with him could be bad, like why should we check on each other every few years unless there was something lingering between us? But that does remind me of something that happened to me when I was 17. I was still a bagger and there was a checker whom I had a crush on. He must have been nearing 50 if he wasn't there already. But he was cute. And he was into SW. And he knew stuff about computers and such. He found out I thought he was cute because he always had his hair slicked back when he was at work but one day he came in shopping and I saw him and didn't recognize him due to his hair being down and I kept looking at him cause he was cute. (he was in line at customer service waiting for his paycheck, and also, I have a thing for long hair) And then after a bit I realized who it was. eek. After that he started leaving his hair down at work often. Then one day we were in the breakroom together and he casually asked what my schedule was (which at the time was something a lot of people did because I was also starting to work some dairy shifts) and I didn't have any late shifts. He asked if I wanted to get dinner and maybe see a movie sometime. I laughed at him. Then I realized he was being serious. I told him no and scurried away. I was mad at him for a long time after that, I mean, the man was older than my dad. He had a daughter who was maybe three years younger than me. (he was divorced) And he was sorry, he really was, every word he said to me, whether it was "she wants paper" or "could you get a price check on this", it didn't matter what he said, it was how he said it, because all I ever heard him say was, "I'm sorry". And then he was arrested for some credit card thing to do with his ex wife and when I grew up I realized I should have talked to him. I should have told him that I would have gladly said yes to him if he had been about 30 years younger, I should have told him why I said no. And sometimes I wish I could run into him just so I could say that I'm sorry too. I mean, yes, he was in the wrong asking me out (especially being that I was still a minor, but I've always seemed older than I am and it has never been uncommon for people to assume I'm a few years older than I am, but even then he had to know I was still a teenager), but I was in the wrong for not telling him why I turned him down so harshly, especially since I had been giving off positive signals. Perhaps lesson learned and I should take this opportunity to resolve things with the person I CAN contact? (I don't even remember this other guy's last name and we never had any contact online, and I believe he's two states over now)
Sorry, long post, wow.