Topic: RPG--Fiscal Crosshatching on the Bearhug of Eternity--An Expedition in
So, here is the basic premise of this RPG. This RPG, like all others, intends to tell a story about various characters that is engaging and fun to write, read, and be a part of.
However, this one also intends to be more overtly humorous than others. Here is the basic plot:
The year is 2046, and humanity is still essentially the same as it is in the present. The differences are:
A top secret terrorist organization called the Super Terror Against Relatively Big Un-evil Conglomerates that Kills Suspects is constantly attempting to kill everyone on earth. They are frequently thwarted by the heroic organization called P.I.N.G.A.S., the Protectors of Innocent Non-criminal Government And Stuff.
Mexico has been taken over by the Soviet Union. This leads to some confusing food.
France is now in the jurisdiction of Chuck Norris, while Spain is under the leadership of Adam West. These two giants are in a tenuous alliance currently.
Mutant squids are all over the place.
Jimi Hendrix was accidentally resurrected by some bored wiccan college students, and is now the President of the United States.
Mr. Coffee machines have obtained self-awareness and are now integrated into modern society.
Hannah Montana, while unfortunately still alive, has been ordered to death 57 times, and has somehow survived. After it being discovered she is in fact a homunculus for the devil, she was shipped to a secure holding facility where she cannot harm anyone except her extremely unlucky cellmates and security guards.
Other than that, it's pretty much like present day. So moving on to the rules (most of which were shamelessly stolen from Mel):
1. You may create any character you want. Clarify their name and species so others can follow their actions easily.
2. You can kill characters you create but you can't kill other people's characters unless they say they have been killed in battle with you.
3. You can have any weapon you want but you can only have what your character could physically carry - otherwise they wouldn't be able to move.
4. Be consistent, eg if someone says they blew up a building, don't suddenly be assaulting it.
5. If you have sustained many wounds you will have to either get medical help or eventually die.
6. Follow the storyline, sure add a few twists and turns but allow others to see where you want to go so they can help you get there.
7. Have fun.
8. Feel free to let your funny flag fly. That's the point here. Be as dry, witty, sarcastic, innuendous, self-referential, and British as you want...or just resort to "Yo Mama" and the occasional fart joke. However, please refrain from jokes that are offensive or overtly crude. Thank you.
The story: It's just another day in the world mentioned above, in the city of Newer York, (New York was bought in 2021 by Elvis Costello, who came into a great deal of money in 2018 when he pawned of the last oil drum in existence for 20 babillion dollars. The U.S. Government then built Newer York...which is 20 minutes outside of Memphis.
Kirk Dunford got out of his bed in his suburban apartment and stumbled into the shower, hitting his head on the glass and falling on the floor.
"...Ow." Kirk grumbled. He staggered to his feet, put on some clothes, and walked out the door to his extremely depressing job.
"...And how does that make you feel?" Kirk said into his mouthpiece as he boredly drummed his fingers on a desk. "...well, I think you just need to talk with her before you do something like that. I'm sure she would feel terrible if you went through with this. It would ruin her life. Does that make you want to rethink this?" Kirk said to the caller. "Great." Kirk promptly hung up and dialed in his next caller.
"Suicide hotline, this is Kirk speaking, what was her name?" Kirk said, reciting the opening line he had learned as an intern.
Suddenly, there was a loud sound, like a giant subwoofer.
"...hold on for a second." Kirk said, putting his caller on hold and carelessly selecting the waiting music for the caller, accidentally selecting "Jump" by Van Halen. Kirk looked out the window to see... A MUTANT SQUID TERRORIZING THE CITY!!!!
"How the heck did a squid get into Tennessee?" Was the first thing out of a shocked Kirk's mouth. The squid, roughly the size of three school busses and Cedric the Entertainer, was busy destroying buildings in the opposite direction, so Kirk absent-mindedly resumed his call.
"I'm sorry for that mister...hello? Hello? Must've worked it out for himself..." Kirk said. Suddenly the entire building shook as the mutant squid had apparently turned around and decided to attack the building Kirk was in.
"Oh Holy--" Kirk yelled as the world seemed to go sideways, though it ironically would remain round in doing so.
Character: Kirk Dunford
Occupation: Suicide Hotline Operator
Weapon of Choice: Heck, he'll use what he can get.
Personality: Surly, easily annoyed, very down on his luck. Given his job, he is good at pretending to care, which may lead others on for awhile.
Description: Basically Ryan from The Office, but with a small brown goatee.
Background: Fresh out of college, Kirk was a guy who used to have dreams, you to have ambitions, the kind of guy Smells Like Teen Spirit was written for, but then he learned how tough life is in the real world, especially this world, where his mom was mauled by a mutant squid when he was 11 and his cousin is a Mr. Coffee called Brett-37. Nowadays, Kirk is basically meandering about his current life, just coasting through, waiting for something exciting to happen.