1 (edited by Devil Girl Friday, April 23, 2010 4:49 am)

Topic: My short stories

Hei

It has taken a while but I have finished my second short story (with the first short story now becoming the prologue)

It is the longest thing that I have written. It is to long I think to put in here, so here is a link to it. I have also made some changes to the original story. I have checked the story many times and I think I have gotten as much errors out as possible.

If there is anything that you notice could you let me know please. Any constructive criticism is also welcome.

I hope you enjoy it

Hide and seek

Jedi photographer - May the focus be with me.
[url=http://www.flickr.com/photos/devil_girl/]Photographs[/url]

Re: My short stories

I also hope you do not mind me bumping up this as well.

I know it is a long read but I really would appreciate any opinions about what you thought about it.

Jedi photographer - May the focus be with me.
[url=http://www.flickr.com/photos/devil_girl/]Photographs[/url]

Re: My short stories

I have written another short story. It is about a Twi'lek who became a spy for the rebellion.

Here is part of it.

"Dance for us" One of the Imperial officers at the table I was serving said to me. No please or thank you, but then again that is nothing new or sadly out of the ordinary.

I cringed inside at his request. The people who come into this bar have that effect on me. Especially like the sleazy looking ones that are sat in front of me now. They may look smartly dressed but their expressions are all the same.

If I had a choice, and was feeling generous, I would have politely declined his request. But feeling as I do now, I would have served his drink along with the glass right into that smug looking face of his. That idea brought a smile to my face, one which I managed to turn into a seductive one. I have no choice but to do so as I am a slave.

The bar where I work is much like any of the ones found in the upper levels of Coruscant. There is a stage at one end with a walkway that goes down three quarters of the length of the middle of the club. Along the walkway are sections where dancers can dance closer to the tables that are around it. Along one of the walls is the bar and on the other walls there are booths. And on the level above us there are private rooms where they get 'entertained'

'Scum the lot of em" I thought as I looked at them sat there with their dirty little expectant faces looking and waiting for me to start dancing. I put the drinks tray into a special slot under the table and began dancing. The tray will be collected by one of the droids later.

There are a lot of people who come into the club that treat anyone who is not human like dirt, to be exploited at all times. Especially when they want someone to pleasure them. A holovid and a packet of tissues isn't good enough for them. So like the good little slave that I am, I serve them drinks, dance and 'entertain' them. And looking at the lecherous faces of the 'men' that were sat at the table I knew which one of them would be the one who would ask to be entertained.

That thought made me falter slightly with my dance but thankfully I was able to improvise and make it look like I had planned the move all along. I am fortunate that I am dancing in a private booth; I am able to have more space to recover. Though fighting to keep my dancing fluid was not my only battle. It was also a real struggle to keep the contempt that I felt from bleeding into my face. There are times however when keeping the contempt from my face was not the only thing I had to worry about, keeping the contents of my stomach firmly in place was also required. Not that it was worth keeping down. There is no fine food for us slave girls, and there isn't much of it either. They do not want us to gain any weight and lose our figures.

Up until last week I had thought that there was no way out of this nightmare situation for me other than death. That changed though when I was asked to dance for one of the businessmen who are members at the club. After I had danced for him he had asked to be entertained, and after I had taken him to one of the entertainment rooms he had told me that his name was Madine Voors and that he was in fact a rebel agent. He told me that he needed my help for the cause of the rebellion.

You can read the rest here

Jedi photographer - May the focus be with me.
[url=http://www.flickr.com/photos/devil_girl/]Photographs[/url]