1 (edited by Werda Verd Wednesday, October 1, 2008 2:59 am)

Topic: Theta Squad--Killing House

My first fan-fiction, "Theta Squad--Killing House" centers around Theta Squad, Darman's old squad, before Geonosis. This takes place in 23 BBY (Before the Battle of Yavin), or one year before Geonosis. It takes place from Darmans point of view, in first person, because I loved the way the Prologue of Hard Contact, also first-person Darman, turned out. (Not that it'll be that good, obviously,)

The story is one of Theta's training scenarios, in the "Killing House" in Kamino.

Side notes:

--Why did I make Taler squad leader?

            Because he gives the orders in the Prologue, and I assumed he was.

--What's the Killing House?

           A part of commando training, where they had to clear a building, sometimes with intel, sometimes blind. Room to room killing.

--Why fight droids? What droids?

          Because there weren't likely enough trainers, and I wanted to be able to use live rounds. Not B-1s (prequel battle droids) though. Just training droids.



Well, hope you enjoy, give feedback, etc. It was written sporadically, and therefore might feel a little disjointed.



Ø

TIPOCA CITY—KAMINO
CLONE COMMANDO TRAINING FACILITY
23 BBY

----------------------------------------


“Shab, Sarge, we’ve done this before. Don’t worry about it.”

“Just watch each other’s backs in there, alright? Tion’ad hukaat’kama. Good luck, Theta.”

“Will do, Sarge. Taler out.” Taler closed the com channel. “What’s he so worked up about? I mean, it’s not like the first time the instructors will be using live ammo.”

“Sure, but you know him. Kal’buir always worries.” Jay finished calibrating the scope on his Deece. “And maybe he’ll have some uj cake for us after this run’s over.”

My stomach grumbled. “Cut that out. Now you’re just making me hungry.” I took a mock swing at him, and he ducked, laughing. A cold Kaminoan voice came through our comms.

“Theta Squad, report CQC Training Facility One.”

Taler slapped a mag into his Deece. “Alright, vode, lets roll.   

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

We formed up on the door. “Dar, blow it down, Vin, toss in the grenades, and we’ll follow.”

I pulled out some thermal tape, rapidly calculating the amount it would take to blow the door without killing us too. Thin door, not much tape. I made a quick box in the center, stuck the det in, and flattened myself on the wall. “Clear!!” The door exploded, and Vin tossed the grenades in. “Take take take!” I raise my Deece and lead the squad in. The smoke clears, revealing several destroyed droids, and three not-so destroyed ones at the end of the hall. We exchange a brief volley of fire, trashing the tinnies and nearly giving Taler a hair-cut.

“Osik! I really didn’t need that. Alright, take the corner, and breach the first door on the right. Jay, you got point.”

We moved up the hall, and Jay rounded the corner. “Clear.”

“Alright, Dar, blow it down.”

I looked at the door, a simple wooden one with unconventional hinges. “I don’t need explosives for this. Give me a little room. Taler, put an anti-armor past me.” I backed up, then surged forward, smashing the door with an armored boot. It swung crazily on its hinges, battered by incoming fire, and I ducked back. Taler’s grenade exploded, and Vin lead, followed by Taler, Jay, then me. Their Deece’s strobed several times, and the remaining droids crashed to the ground. Taler flattened against the next door, his hand on the knob.

“Dar, throw a thermal in when I open it. On three. One, two, three!”

He shoved the door open, which shuddered under the impact of multiple laser blasts. I tossed the grenade in, and Taler slammed it shut. The explosion ripped it off its hinges, sending it cart wheeling past Jay. Taler led this time, and I followed. The grenade had cleared the room of the two droids occupying it, and the only thing worth notice was a stairwell. “Vin, your turn on point.” I followed him up, Deece ready. Ahead of me, Vin kicked the stairway door open, revealing another hallway. He started to open the next door, but stopped and stumbled back as a tremendous amount of fire flashed from the room.

“Shab! We are not going in that way.”

“No, we’re not. Dar, place a charge on the wall. We’ll blow it, and you, Vin, and Jay will go through. I’ll open the door again, drawing their attention before you blow it.”

I nodded, and took a charge from my back, and evaluated the wall. I moved down about five meters from the door, then placed and armed the charge. I backed up, moving away. “Clear back. Ready, Taler?”

“Ready.”

“Now!” Taler opened the door, drawing their fire. I covered my head, squeezing the det. The wall exploded in, pelting us with debris. The smoke cleared slightly, revealing a jagged hole in the wall. Vin lobbed a EMP in, and I ran in, ejecting my gauntlet blade. I plunged it into the chest of a twitching droid, and fired my Deece into another with my free hand. Taler crashed through the nearly shattered door and fired, dropping another. Jay kicked the legs out from the last droid, sending it crashing to the ground, and fired two bolts from his Deece. Movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention, and a humanoid figure slipped through a door.

I charged after it, crushing the door down and snapping my Deece up. The figure was nowhere to be seen, but a heavy weight crashed into me from the side, throwing me to the floor. My attacker drew a knife, and tried to plunge it  into the gap between my chestplate and helmet. I managed to grab his wrist, wrestling for control over the knife. He struck my arm, and my hold loosened. The knife fell towards my neck.

Then Taler’s boot slammed into the side of his head, and the blade missed my neck by centimeters. I rolled over, breathing heavily, and watched as Taler punched the man in the face, training his Deece on him, but didn’t fire.

“Check! Endex, endex, endex!” Kal’s voice came through my comm. ”Endex, Theta. Good work boys.”

Several med droids carried the man, one of the junior instructors, away for treatment, and we left the training facility, back to barracks. Taler smacked my shoulder. “Don’t do that again, Dar. That was too close. I don’t want to lose a brother.”

I shook my head. “Sorry. I can’t believe I just charged in like that. I owe you one, ner vod”

“Not at all, brother. That’s why we’re here. To cover each other’s backs.” He slung an arm around me and Vin. “Because without our brothers, we’re nothing.”

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

I think your story's awesome!!! I've tried to make stories but the always sound so cheesy. Maybe you could give me some Tips :?

" Everyone dies, but since nobody's paid me to kill you...sleep well."
     -Boba Fett-

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Tips? Hmmm...plan out what will happen--that always helps. Try to keep things as realistic as possible--keep the numbers of enemies realistic, the way they're defeated realistic, and the general plot believable. This was easier, because I was dealing with pre-established characters, and didn't have to make anything huge up. Being realistic in as many ways as possible is important as far as it not being cheesy goes.

Are there any specific areas you struggle with? I'm not an amazing author, but I MIGHT be able to give better advice if I knew.

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

4 (edited by Devil Girl Monday, October 27, 2008 1:39 am)

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

I have just seen this. That is really funky, and well written well done. Will you be writing any more to do with this?

Jedi photographer - May the focus be with me.
[url=http://www.flickr.com/photos/devil_girl/]Photographs[/url]

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Possibly. I enjoyed it, and thought about doing another--maybe with Fi, or Niner. Not Killing House, maybe not even Kamino. I probably will. Glad you enjoyed it.

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

ee-3 wrote:

I think your story's awesome!!! I've tried to make stories but the always sound so cheesy. Maybe you could give me some Tips :?

Yah, just try'n to keep the characters believable. sad

" Everyone dies, but since nobody's paid me to kill you...sleep well."
     -Boba Fett-

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Yeah, I had semi pre-established characters, so that wasn't hard. Depending on what you're writing, just try not to give them over the top skill or powers, or make them do ridiculous things that are hard to believe. Keep their actions and skills believable, I guess.

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

K. I'll try. Thanks for the heads-up Werda Verd. big_smile

" Everyone dies, but since nobody's paid me to kill you...sleep well."
     -Boba Fett-

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Sure.

I plan on doing another, but am not sure whether to use first-person again or third. I'm thinking third person for this one, but still not sure.

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Do !st person again. Awww I just realized someth'n I got all those questions about 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person point of veiws wrong on that stupid test. Oh well anyway do it 1st person again. big_smile

" Everyone dies, but since nobody's paid me to kill you...sleep well."
     -Boba Fett-

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Thinking about doing another, anyone got anything they'd like to see? Characters, training on Kamino vs Clone Wars (I don't want to go into the Empire years), etc. First vs Third person. Stuff like that.

I've thought about Fi losing his squad on Geonosis, and Niner losing a brother in training as concepts, but still unsure. I liked using Theta, too.

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

wow, just got to read this.

You've got an awesome writing style ner vod!  Diolog is excellent, the only thing at all that I'd suggest is that you try to embelish the settings just a little more.  Give a little more time to the suroundings; little details picked up from sight, smell, hearing, and touch that are noticed through the 1st person perspective can add a whole other dimension to a piece of writing.

Can't wait to see more!

"You set a code to live by.  I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted...I won't be laid a hand on.  I don't do these things to other men, and I require the same from them."

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Thanks, vod. I did leave out specifics, favoring a speed of movement to the story that doesn't give much description of surroundings as much. If you are in a life or death room clearing situation, adrenaline pumping, priorities are important. Its a style used in the Prologue of Hard Contact, coupling first person with fast paced action, which makes it feel like you ARE the character. I loved how it was done.

But that is something I can work on more. Thanks for the feedback. I need to try another--I enjoyed it, and thought it turned out well. But debating on the POV--if I do what I'm thinking, both could be pretty powerful, in different ways.

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Well, the sequel is officially started. I'm not too far in, but its in progress. Its third person POV, anyone want to guess who its about?

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

I've got a hunch you're gonna spotlight Skirata; he's just too much fun NOT to write about   tongue

But if you're sticking with Theta squad members, I'd guess.......... Vin?  Just something about him catches my attention; maybe because his name sounds so much like my character in the last story I posted

Can't wait to read ner vod!

"You set a code to live by.  I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted...I won't be laid a hand on.  I don't do these things to other men, and I require the same from them."

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Actually, neither of those, but you're giving me good ideas for the future--I might have to do the next following him. That might be hard though, because I'd hate to write him wrong.

Its an older idea--I'm expanding on the Omega past.

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--

Re: Theta Squad--Killing House

Well, I've recently made some pretty good progress--its nearly twice as long as the first one, and I'm not even done yet--It'll still likely double in length. I can finish the section I'm on, and post it here as Part 1, or save it and post it all at once, though that may take a while longer.

Any opinions?

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yff3jH8NECs]"Touch my Awesome Button."[/url]
--Captain Dynamic--