Topic: My first fanfic... preview

This is my first fanfic.... from any genre!
Let me know what you think. It involves Ailyn Vel, so if you can't stand her don't read.
I only finished the little prequel. It starts out sort of ordinary, but trust me it will get more interesting. Rated PG.








*****
The light from a distant sun never seemed to shine in a dusty consignment shop on Concord Dawn. The windows were so covered in dust that they were nearly opaque. The shop was jammed with odds and ends beyond imagination, stacked on shelves that rose from floor to ceiling.
A teenage girl stood on a hoverboard, pulling something heavy from a high shelf.
“Daaaammmn!”
A large glass vase slipped from her hands, fell to the dusty floor, and shattered into thousands of pieces. She glared down at the glass shards, tendrils of mousy brown hair sticking to her sweaty forehead. Her brows knit in frustration over steely blue eyes, she pushed the board’s controls to take her over to the glass sweeper.
If I can clean that up before Chandar gets back, maybe he’ll never know it happened.
She positioned the machine over the mess and turned it on. The glass crackled as it rose into the bag. Suddenly, wisps of gray smoke rose from the motor housing. The girl pushed the buttons to turn it off, but the smoke persisted.
“Oh, please don’t do this…” She snarled.
As if on cue, Chandar in the flesh walked into his consignment shop. He stopped in the main aisle, and met the eyes of the girl crouched over the machine.
“Bad day, Ailyn?”
**************************************************
Many planets away, twin suns blazed down on a lone man staggering through the deserts of Tatooine. His tracks made a winding path through the scalding sand, leading away from a smoking pit and into… nowhere.
This man was a mercenary. A bounty hunter. A hit man. And, currently, the only person to have ever made it out of the Sarlacc alive.
And he was running out of time.
Boba Fett kept walking through the shifting sand, trying to find a recognizable point on the horizon where he could seek help. The landscape yielded no such feature; only rocky crags that were bound to shelter Sand People who were out for blood.
He walked on his torn, bleeding legs until they crumpled underneath him and he fell to his stomach.
So this is it, he thought. The end of my existence, here, in this sand heap.
The sand actually wasn’t too bad of a deathbed. It cushioned his aching joints and heaped gently over his partially buried helmet. He sighed. The sand grains buffeted against his battered armor. A faint buzz sounded through the whirling sand.
Huh?
The buzz got louder. A speeder? Couldn’t be! No… this was only a sweet dream…
The motor stopped. A shout of exclamation followed. Running footsteps, and a voice.
“Boba??? Is that you?”
Dengar? Boba thought. No… it can’t be…
But Dengar was here. He and someone else lifted Boba and half-carried, half-dragged Boba to the waiting speeder.
Boba groaned once as his battered body slumped into the cargo area, and then all went black.

Re: My first fanfic... preview

SD_Chick wrote:

. He and someone else lifted Boba and half-carried, half-dragged Boba to the waiting speeder.

nice fic,just out of curiosity when you say someone else, are you unsure or are you trying to show he was unsure becuase Dengar was trying to protect his wife?

"I will bet all my Star Wars guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."
―Peter Griffin

Re: My first fanfic... preview

No, I just meant someone else because Boba, in his mental state, has only recognized Dengar at this point.
So Dengar's wife was also there at the rescue? Thanks for the tip. I'm really new to this, as you can see.
I can revise this tomorrow. Thanks for the imput.

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Im 95% sure she helped him drag the body further from the Sarlacc but Dengar told her to go away because he didn't want herin danger for the risk he was taking, ill double check in the morning for you my books buried under a 100 more.

"I will bet all my Star Wars guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."
―Peter Griffin

5 (edited by SD_Chick Saturday, September 16, 2006 9:19 pm)

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Okay.. here's the basic rough outline of where I'm going. Let me know if anything is truly objectionable. It's not canon, I know. This probably comes at a bit of an ill time, due to the publishing of Bloodlines.

So.. the story starts from what we have so far... some of it is the work of other authors.... some is mine.
Ailyn's working in the consignment shop. Sintas gets killed; Ailyn quits the job and goes on the lam as a stowaway on board a cargo ship. She gets booted off at Courescant. (sp?) Desperate for survival, Ailyn joins a street gang of other teenagers on Courescant.
Boba takes up working with Dengar in payment for saving his life. During an ill-fated robbery of Slave II, Ailyn's street gang gets killed off and Ailyn is taken prisoner. Boba knows exactly who is prisoner is, but doesn't know what to do with her. He knows of her bitterness and her wish to end his life.
Ailyn is bent on killing her father. He offers her a deal: She can live and be trained as a Mandalorian, or she can be swiftly killed.
Ailyn looks to buy time so she can work out her plan. She accepts Boba's training, but still keeps her bitterness towards her father. Unrest in the galaxy forces these two to work together.
What will work out in the end? Who can say!

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Think I'm going to do some more editing because it sounds a bit too much like the work of others.
And... in my typical fashion... I wrote out the ending last night!

Re: My first fanfic... preview

I like the idea of him offering her training but it may be a bit odd, but what you may want to do is add Gerv, her future husband in the gang shes in. it'd be a nice cameo.

"I will bet all my Star Wars guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."
―Peter Griffin

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Good idea! I thought about that, but I didn't know the guy's name.
After they unwittingly tried to rob Slave II, all the other gang members get killed off minus Gerv.
More explaination on the training: Boba knows that if he just lets Ailyn go, she'll just get back to her task of killing him, or maybe informing someone else of his whereabouts. Perhaps some fierce training would win her over.

Re: My first fanfic... preview

yea,his first name is unknown i think unless they say it in bloodlines but its something Gerv so i guess you get to pick. i see you point on the training thing too.

"I will bet all my Star Wars guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."
―Peter Griffin

10

Re: My first fanfic... preview

How about a gang nickname for Gerv?
Got some more writing done today. Might post it tonight.

11

Re: My first fanfic... preview

More....


Chandar didn’t seem too upset over the demise of the glass vase. They actually had another one quite similar that the customer accepted as a worthy substitute.
Ailyn kept working the rest of the day, organizing the inventory and writing things in the ledger books. She was a hard worker; she had known nothing else for all of her nearly sixteen years.
Chandar hired her when she was 12; it wasn’t exactly legal to hire someone so young, but he didn’t care, and Ailyn was desperate to be doing something. She fell in and out of middle and high schools. Her grades would remain steady for a while, then she’d be suspended, usually for fighting.
Chandar was frequently intrigued by his stoic, morose employee, but he didn’t question her often. He was content to live and let live- if Ailyn didn’t feel like sharing her past, he wouldn’t pry.
But how strange it was… a teenage girl that had almost no friends her own age. She never went out to party or shop. She seldom showed any emotion, or spoke at all for that matter. She never wore colorful clothes, only dressing in black or mute shades of gray. She had her mousy, waist-length hair pulled back from her face and streaming down her shoulders. Her light-colored hair must have been some sort of a throwback from her mother’s side. The only thing she couldn’t make plain was her face: high cheekbones with full lips and startling, sapphire blue eyes. With a little effort, Ailyn could have been quite pretty, but she didn’t have the time or the money to spend on herself.
Ailyn signed out of the shop at 5:15 and headed down the dusty street towards home. “Home” was a third-floor apartment in the rather questionable part of town. Painted ladies and street thugs eyed her as she shuffled past. She did nothing; only pulling her cloak further up her neck and quickening her steps slightly.
She got to the door and set to un-locking the five or so locks on the door. She had a key for each one, all of them hung on a cord around her neck. The door fell open, creaking slightly, to reveal a dark, silent apartment.
Mom wasn’t home, of course.
Ailyn’s mom, Sintas Vel, had been in the bounty hunting trade for all her life and wasn’t about to stop just to be a mother. It was the only way she knew how to live. Ailyn spent most of her days at the shop, at school, or home alone. She didn’t care one way or the other about her mother’s career. It put food on the table… most of the time.
Sintas was average sized, with dark brown hair that curled slightly at the ends. She could out-fight and out-gun many men in town. She was a mighty woman, but not a mighty mother. She loved her daughter, but seemed to have difficulty showing it.
Ailyn stepped into the barely-furnished apartment, flung her backpack in the general direction of the sitting room, and stumped over to the kitchen. Sintas had left some cooked meat in the steady-preservation unit. Fresh vegetables from a few days ago sat on the counter.
Ailyn fixed herself a meager supper and sat down at the wobbly table. Sintas was due to be home sometime tonight. She had left a few days earlier, after previously promising that she wouldn’t take a bounty so close to Ailyn’s birthday. Ailyn suspected that Sintas might be scraping some funds together to get her something for her birthday.
Ailyn smiled slightly at the thought. Things could be worse, I guess, she mused.

12 (edited by Dageen Fett Monday, September 18, 2006 10:12 am)

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Manaroo was Dengars wife, the gangs name, hmm not sure ill give it some thought and i like the new stuff, cool.

"I will bet all my Star Wars guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."
―Peter Griffin

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Very good! I like it!

"Stop whining. Before you really get me irritated."
     --Boba Fett

Re: My first fanfic... preview

any luck with the gang name yet? Cordawns maybe? a mix of the planet name, kind of like they think  they run the place. just an idea i'll keep thinking.

"I will bet all my Star Wars guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."
―Peter Griffin

15 (edited by SD_Chick Wednesday, September 20, 2006 5:57 pm)

Re: My first fanfic... preview

I was thinking "Blade" for Gev's gang nickname- you know- just for that one person. For the gang as a whole, I have no clue. The gang is on Coruescant. Ailyn travels there to begin her quest.
More fanfic... perhaps the second most-crucial moment in the story...
I'll get back to Boba's crisis in the next chapter or so.

When Ailyn woke the next day, her mother still wasn’t home. Ailyn stretched in bed; her knuckles met the wall, and her feet grazed the footboard. It’s my birthday. I’m sixteen. She thought. Somehow, her first day being sixteen felt exactly like the day before. Ailyn dressed and headed to the shop once again, picking up a pastry for breakfast along the way.
Her day at the shop passed uneventfully. Ailyn headed out at the same time. This time, she took the long way home that lead on the outskirts of town. The buildings spread out, revealing a bleak landscape set under the unforgiving moons.
The sun set in the purple sky above her. A precious few starships zoomed overhead- not many visitors came to Concord Dawn- as warm gusts of wind stirred Ailyn’s hair and fanned out her cloak.
Ailyn felt a faint prick of worry about her mother. She had been thinking about Sintas that day more than she cared to admit. Though Sintas was away more than she was home, she usually stuck to her schedule. It was unlike her to be late.
Ailyn turned back towards town, taking the road that would lead her to the back of the apartment complex. Up ahead, she caught sight of the landlord. He stopped her by yanking on her cloak, an action that annoyed her at the best of times.
“You mother’s late on the rent,” he snarled in his hoarse, disgusting voice. “She needs to pay in three days or I must evict the two of you.”
Ailyn nodded curtly and continued on her way. The mention of money suddenly made her think that she might have left her wallet in the shop. She stepped into an alley and dropped her backpack to the ground to check inside.
Her wallet was in the bottom, hidden under old school books and a few lengths of wire that she planned to use for repairing her mother’s equipment. Just as Ailyn was about to shoulder the pack again, Rejan the pawn shop owner and a creepy-looking character Ailyn didn’t recognize strode past the mouth of the alley. Ailyn caught one phrase from Rejan that piqued her curiosity:
“What amount of credits will her ship be worth, do you think?”
The creep cackled. “Who knows? It runs, yes, but it isn’t that fast or pretty.”
Ailyn raised one eyebrow and slowly started to follow after them. She dogged their steps a few meters behind, so that it looked as if she were simply idling in the street.
Rejan continued, unaware of the eavesdropper. “Yes. Sort of a pity that she left the girl behind. I wonder if Kan’ek will be able to collect the rent.”
Ailyn sucked in her breath. No, they couldn’t be talking about her mother, could they?
The other creature cackled again. “Ah, yes. What a pity. The bounty hunter gets killed taking a bounty, and her daughter must continue. Really, I’d just as soon see that Ailyn brat out of this town. She does nothing but make trouble.” He laughed once more.
Ailyn stopped dead in her tracks. This couldn’t be true. It had to be some sick, horrible joke.
She turned back down the street and ran all the way to the starship port. Please, let it be a joke, she thought with each pounding footstep.
She skidded to a halt at the main counter, nearly crashing into it.
“Can I help you?” The resident droid inquired in its mechanical voice.
“Did my mother’s ship come in?” Ailyn panted.
“Which ship? And who is it registered to?”
Ailyn spared the droid all the details of her mother’s ship. “Sintas Vel. It’s registered to Sintas Vel.”
The droid went off to check the docks. It returned a moment later to check the intergalactic databases. Ailyn watched its every move. Why is this taking so long? She’s here or she’s somewhere nearby. This is ridiculous.
“Ah, here we are.” The droid said. “The ship registered to Sintas Vel is under lockdown for pending seizure on Naboo. It seems that it was left at a port and the owner has not returned.”
What?? Ailyn straightened, despite her rampaging thoughts. “Thank you,” she said, and walked back out of the port. It can’t be.
************************************************


By the next day, reality began to sink in. Sintas was never this late. Something must have happened. Even if Sintas was injured, she would have tried to contact Ailyn by now.
On the way to work, Ailyn noticed people giving her sympathetic looks. They must know, she thought. News traveled fast in a small town.
Ailyn went back to the shop again and somehow managed to make it through an entire day of work. She made a small grocery run before going back to the apartment. Some instinct made her buy non-perishable nutrition bars.
She returned once more to the empty apartment, then walked out on the small balcony.
It’s all her fault. She could have found a different job than bounty hunting. Ailyn hunched over the railing. Despite her best attempt at a poker face, tears began to flow.
No, wait… it’s all HIS fault. Yes, my father could have actually showed up once and a while. If he sent us money, maybe we wouldn’t be struggling all the time.
Ailyn sobbed once, then she was loudly weeping over the railing, tears falling to the street far below. Her father probably didn’t have the slightest inkling on what happened. Where was he, anyway? Her only memory of him was when she was about three years old.
Isn’t a father supposed to provide for his family? It’s not fair! He should have done something!!
On second thought, to hell with the money. He should have at least seen me once. I wanted to see him. A long time ago, that is. I want to know I didn’t just come out of thin air. Why? Whywhywhywhywhy???

She looked up at the thousands of stars and planets in the azure sky overhead. Her father was probably out there somewhere, with a steady supply of money, his own ships, and a crowd of admirers.
“Damn you!!!” she screamed. "Daaaaaaaaamn you!"
Ailyn pounded the railing with her fist. Maybe I should just jump. It would take care of everything. My life is going to be pretty miserable from here on out.
Ailyn cried for almost an hour. All her frustrations about her broken family surfaced in a constant tide of tears. She didn’t remember going back into the house and to her bedroom.

*******************************************

Ailyn awoke the next morning fully clothed and laying on her stomach on top of her bedcovers, with both fists jammed into her pillow. She felt like hell.
Laying here feeling sorry for myself doesn’t get anything done.
Ailyn began to do battle with her own thoughts.
What will I do? What can I do?
You’ll get off this desolate planet and make a living for yourself. That’s what you’ll do.
But how?
Well, you can start by leaving this apartment! The landlord ain’t gonna miss ya!

Ailyn sat up and rubbed her puffy eyes.
Mom set the bank account to allow me to access it with my retinal code. But… I don’t know how much is in there.
Mass transport is the cheapest. I don’t know if I even have enough money for that.

Ailyn methodically picked up her backpack and started packing. It was big enough to hold a few days’ supplies… enough until she figured out where she was going. She put in a change of clothes, a full canteen and hydration filter unit, and the nutrition bars she’d purchased the day before.
She navigated the combination lock on the weapons closet and pulled out a small ray pistol. It was actually the only gun left at the house that worked, and it was small enough to tuck in the folds of her clothing. As an afterthought, she pulled out a hide bantha whip that was some sort of souvenir from Tatooine. The whip stretched almost 4 meters, and could be used for rappelling and defensive tactics.
She would the long whip into coils and tucked it in her belt. A small microchip on her necklace with the key ring held all her personal information and would allow her to access the bank accounts.
Ailyn took one last look around the apartment. She left. She slammed the door closed.
Instead of taking the stairs to ground level, she went used a small ladder that ran up the side of the building to take her to the roof. There, she removed the apartment keys from her neck cord, and with a shout of both victory and frustration, threw them as hard as she could out over the city. 
*****************************************************

Re: My first fanfic... preview

i found this link on gangs, http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Nashtah_Gang just an idea, nice story by the way.

"I will bet all my Star Wars guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."
―Peter Griffin

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Thank you. big_smile
So could I safely use that name? It beats knocking my head against the wall trying to come up with something myself.

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Sounds very promising. I've enjoyed it so far big_smile

BFFC Moderator
It was like thousands of voices cried out for a sequel and were suddenly silenced...

Re: My first fanfic... preview

yup im pretty sure the timeline meet up.

"I will bet all my Star Wars guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."
―Peter Griffin

Re: My first fanfic... preview

Again, very good!

"Stop whining. Before you really get me irritated."
     --Boba Fett

21

Re: My first fanfic... preview

And now we return to Boba's plight...



Pain. Stinging, burning, throbbing pain. A bright light. Voices. More pain.
Where am I?
Boba slowly opened his eyes to reveal an unfamiliar room. A droid was poking at bandages on his left arm. More bandages covered nearly every inch of his frame, from head to toe. His armor was nowhere to be seen. Gentle, dimmed, mid-afternoon sunlight filtered in from a tinted window.
Boba raised his head tentatively. The room tilted a bit. He pinched his eyes shut, bidding his stomach to stop churning and the room to stop gyrating.
“Please remain still.” the droid droned.
“Oh, shut up.” Boba tried to snarl but it actually came out as more of a wheeze. He stubbornly raised his head more. None of his bones felt to be broken, but between the bandages and the unwavering attention of the droid, Boba concluded that he wasn’t in very good shape.
Abruptly the door slid open and a woman with blue skin slipped in the room. Boba had a faint memory of her as a dancer on Jabba’s sail barge. What was she doing here? She turned to the bed and instantly broke into a smile.
“You’re awake!”
Boba grunted a reply, hoping she would just leave him in peace, but no such luck.
“Dengar! Come see!”
That was Dengar at the Sarlacc. Boba thought. He had only hazy memories of his dance with death. Dengar, the one I drugged at Jabba’s. This is going to be interesting.
A moment later, Dengar himself stumped into the room. He stood silent for a moment, then parked himself on a chair to the side of the droid, next to the footboard of the bed.
“Excellent.” He said. “We didn’t think you would make it, you know.”
“How long have I been here?” Boba asked.
“About a month. My medical droids have you under excellent care.”
A month! Boba’s mind screamed. I’ve been stuck in this bed for an entire month??
“I see.” was all Boba said.
“Do you know what happened?” Dengar asked.
Boba thought for a moment. “Fighting. We were fighting. Something to do with Skywalker. I went from the large sail barge to the execution stand. Skywalker cut my blaster in half. And…” Boba trailed off. He did faintly remember what happened from there, but he didn’t want to verbalize it. A random pistol shot. His jetpack going off. The side of the sail barge coming up to meet him.. falling… the teeth of the Sarlacc raking him on his way down… darkness….
“You should be dead, for all intents and purposes.” Dengar said bluntly.
Thank you for reminding me, Dengar. Wishing to get the subject off of his plight, Boba asked, “What became of the others?”
“Jabba’s dead. So were a lot of those on the sail barge. Bib Fortuna is alive. And so is Manaroo here…” he paused briefly to stroke her cheek “- and I believe Skywalker, Princess Leia Organa, and the other rebels escaped.”
Damn. All that work for nothing. Boba thought harder. “Wait…” The random shot that activated his jet pack. Solo bleating out his name over and over. Abruptly, the truth hit him.
“Solo knocked me in!” he exclaimed, letting emotion show for a moment.
“Did he?” Dengar responded. “Well, I wasn’t there. No thanks to you. I arrived after the sail barge went up in smoke.”
Boba laid back in bed, frustrated at nearly being killed by his own bounty- a reckless Corellian smuggler.
“Well, the important thing now is that you’re alive.” Dengar continued after a moment.
“I’m in debt to you, Dengar.” Boba mumbled, the old Mandalorian honor coming back to him.
“Yes, we can remedy that, but until your bandages come off you’re staying right there. Manaroo”- he turned to her “Please get him some food. I will see to the future arrangements later.”
Manaroo grinned broadly and left the room.



****

Another Q- should I keep posting as I write more, or should I just shut up and write and then upload the finished story to a fanfic site?